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Grieving - feel so guilty not being with mum at the end

Sweater1940
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Hi everyone I lost my mum suddenly in January 2022 she had cancer and other health problems , she went into a hospice three weeks before Christmas saying she had a few short week left to live but the doctors said she was doing ok and thought it was more like long months to a year at most she really wanted to be at home so on New Year's Eve 2021 she came home I don't live near so after spending 3 weeks with her constantly I thought it was ok to go home to my family for a few days but within that few days on the 4th January 2022 she died at home just with care nurses not us her daughters and I feel so bad now for not staying with her to the end but thought we had more time together. Just before she came home from hospice she was in a nasty mood and wasn't very nice to me and I took it bad and said things that I regret now about how I have felt over years feeling suicidal and stuff but she didn't really register that and it hurt me a little now it's to late to do anything and I can't deal with it feel so guilty 

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  • Welcome to the forum Sweater1940 although I'm so sorry to hear your mum passed away at the beginning of the year. You have my deepest sympathies.

    I know I can't take away the pain but I hope it helps to know that many of the feelings you are experiencing are very common when grieving so if you can, try and be kind to yourself and remember all the things you did manage to do for your mum before she passed. 

    Many of our members know how difficult it can be to cope with these thoughts and feelings so you are not alone and hopefully some of them will stop by soon to share their experiences and advice.

    I'm not sure if this is something you have looked in to already, but if not, bereavement counselling may be able to help you work through the guilt and regret you are struggling with at the moment. If you feel this is something you could benefit from then do have a look at the support and advice offered by Cruse Bereavement and Sue Ryder.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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  • Welcome to the forum Sweater1940 although I'm so sorry to hear your mum passed away at the beginning of the year. You have my deepest sympathies.

    I know I can't take away the pain but I hope it helps to know that many of the feelings you are experiencing are very common when grieving so if you can, try and be kind to yourself and remember all the things you did manage to do for your mum before she passed. 

    Many of our members know how difficult it can be to cope with these thoughts and feelings so you are not alone and hopefully some of them will stop by soon to share their experiences and advice.

    I'm not sure if this is something you have looked in to already, but if not, bereavement counselling may be able to help you work through the guilt and regret you are struggling with at the moment. If you feel this is something you could benefit from then do have a look at the support and advice offered by Cruse Bereavement and Sue Ryder.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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