My dad passed away on the 13th of this month after a 9 week battle with an apparent "treatable" and "manageable" form of lung cancer. He didn't even make it to his first treatment.
When my dad passed we were with him, he suffered cardiac arrest while at home, paramedics and critical care teams tried to resuscitate for what felt like hours. While we weren't in the room once the paramedics arrived I keep getting flashbacks to the 10-15 mins before they arrived, seeing my dad lifeless and dying in front of me, I won't go too graphic but I never realised how traumatising CPR is especially experiencing all of these things on my own dad who 9 weeks before we thought was fit and healthy at 57 years old. I'm really really struggling to shake the images out my head. It makes me feel so tense and like I need to just explode. I don't want to talk to my family about it, as I know my sister who was with my dad as well is probably experiencing similar. Im sorry for ranting, I just needed to get it off my chest. It feels like for the past 11 days, after the initial 2/3 days I almost blocked it all out. I felt bad for not being more outwardly mourning, despite inside it felt like a tornado constantly. The last 2 days the reality of what all this means has sunk in, the fact I won't see my dad again or hear his voice or hug him or tell him about my day and hear about his so I don't know if this could be why now I'm struggling with flashbacks and what I think is trauma
