my wife, my everything

hello, not sure what to say or do this is all new, my wife and the love of my life was diagnosed with cancer in 2016, it broke us both, but our glass's always half full, and we made the best of it, she fought so brave, she was and always will be a hero to me and our boy, sadly she lost her battle on 6th April 22. and the pain and loss i feel every waking moment is undescribable, I feel dead inside like some one has come and stoly my family, me and my boy are so close and try so hard to not fall apart in front of him, we have started counceling the pair of us, I dont know if it will help, i hope it will because my boy has his whole life ahead of him and dont want this to define the rest of his life, I read a book about a priest who's partner passed away and he summed it up so well, when your partner dies they take your future and identity with them, because i dont know how to be a widow i only know how to be one half of a fantastic mrriage that is no more. sorry for rambling on, just need to vent the million thoughts in my head at once, thank for listening if anyone has.

  • Hello me-without-her

    I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife and your son's mum cancer is such a cruel disease.  I'm so sorry for all you have all endured and for all you and your boy are going through.  I have no words for the pain you are feeling,  I hope the councelling helps you both.  Your not rambling I think its good to let it out and although it doesnt feel like it now I think it does help. My heart breaks for you and your boy.  Your not alone your in my thoughts and I know others will reply and let you know you will never be alone in all this and others will always be here to listen.   

    Take care xx

     

  • I'm sorry for your loss. Sometimes it's okay to not be okay and share your emotions with your son too. It's great you are both going through counselling. My heart and thoughts are with you. I recently lost my mum to dementia a few months ago and she was all I had as a family. Just me and her. I'm completely broken but wish I had someone who I could talk to as a family member to grieve together in a way. What was the name of the book you read? 

  • I truly feel heartbroken for you and your Son, and I know that there is nothing that anyone can say or do that will take your pain away.  I hope the counselling helps.  Years ago a relative of mine lost her husband who was her whole world.  Just like you and your wife, they were completely devoted to each other.  Their eleven year old daughter was in pieces, she lost her dad and her best friend.  Anyway, mother and daughter both had counselling, and they helped get each other through it.  The reason I am telling you this is because I want to let you know that there is hope for you and your son's futures.  They never 'got over' their devastating loss, but they got through it together.  There are some lovely folks on this forum and you can always come here to talk or vent, we are all here whenever you need us, Violet, xx

  • I am so very sorry for the loss of your wife and your son losing his Mum. Your not rambling at all. There must be so many thoughts and feelings that you will be trying to process over the coming months and that for your son too that writing them down and expressing them on here you may find helpful. Your walking a path of utter devastation that so many of us are currently walking or have walked. I lost my Mum in May and I am only now starting to really feel the utter heartbreak of losing my everything. Its life changing. The only things I can say is although there is nothing any of us can say to you to make it be ok there is some small comfort I think in knowing that there are others here that know your pain, fears, anxiety, heartbreak, loneliness, disbelief, shock, anger and everything inbetween. The book you mentioned was it 'The Maddness of Grief' by Richard Coles? I just read that and found it interesting and could relate to many things he mentioned. I seem to be drawn to these type of books at the moment, understandably.

    Your taking steps in the right direction with counselling. It is going to be a new, strange and painful journey for you and your son but in time there will be moments of light and laughter, it just happens. I find myself now sharing a laugh with my partner, often something connected to my Mum and we smile remembering her then I feel heartbroken again, its like light and dark. One good moment and then your right back into the depths of grieving again. I think this is normal. We just need to support each other and keep walking forward day by day. Everything I did I passed it by my Mum, shared her thoughts and feelings. Now I have to do everything without her guidance. Gosh its difficult isn't it? Your son will give you strength to continue, you will support each other. take good care of yourself and your son. Again I am so very sorry. I wish we didn't have to feel this pain, loving someone brings that awful pain of losing them. 

    Jane

  • I think the book may be 'The Madness of Grief' by Richard Coles as he was a priest who lost his partner. If not, this book is still a good read and there are many descriptions in the book I am sure so many of us can relate to. I am sorry to read you also lost your Mum this year as did I. My Mum was also my only family (I do have a dad but we don't have a connected relationship, I have struggled with him all my life). Its so heartbreaking losing the one person that was everything. I can completely understand when you say you wish you had someone who you could talk to as a family member to grieve together, I also wish this. I would love to have someone that loved and misses my Mum like I do, so we could talk about her, share stories and cry together, it is hard when it's only you grieving for that special someone. I'm here if you feel like talking about your Mum anytime.

    Jane