Hello Chrissy.  I felt the need to reply to you, not because I can take away your pain, but because how you are feeling is exactly how I felt after my mum died, which is many years ago now.  After the initial shock has worn off, there comes the anger.  Why my lovely mum?  Why did she have to die when she was so good and kind?  Just like you Chrissy, I wondered if more could have been done for my mother.  They told me and my 2 sisters that her cancer was in-operable, but I found myself wondering afterwards, was it REALLY in-operable or was it that because she was no longer young (she was 70), they didn't see any point in saving her?  I assure you Chrissy, all of these thoughts are perfectly normal, and very much part of the grieving process.  You know Chrissy, when I got my second diagnosis of breast cancer (which is now stage 4), I also had to wait for 2 months before my treatment started, so maybe this is normal, and also, it is possible that even if your mum had been started on treatment immediately, it still would not have been enough to give her any extra time.  I guess what I am saying Chrissy is that you will never know for sure, just like me and my sisters eventually had to accept that we would never know for sure if our mum could have been saved........and just like I have accepted that MAYBE if I had not had to wait for  2 months for treatment, I might not now be at stage 4.  This is the tragedy of life Chrissy.........we can never be sure of anything.  A couple of days ago I was listening to a beautiful song by Willie Nelson, called "It's not something you get over, it's something you get through'.  I was thinking of my mum and dad and so many others that I have lost, and I guess I was also thinking of my own mortality, and I found the beautiful words comforting.  You are on one of the most painful journeys you will ever go on Chrissy.......the loss of your Mother, but you will get through it, you really will, much love and virtual hugs, Violet, xxx