Cancer Research UK main site

I really miss my mum

RSxo
Offline

My mum passed away from bowel cancer on the 31st March 2021, so it's been just over a year. But the pain just doesn't seem to go away? It's just as intense as it's always been. I'm really really struggling. I can't put it into words, but I feel like there's something constantly missing. I miss her like crazy. 
 

I just keep thinking why did this happen to my mum. She was only 55. It's not fair. 
 

I don't know how to go on anymore. How am I genuinely meant to live the rest of my life without her? I don't see the point of anything. Life doesn't excite me anymore. 
 

No-one seems to understand what it feels like. Everyone expects me to have gotten over it. But if anything, I feel like I'm dying inside. I feel constant pain. I miss her SO MUCH. For months I tried to block the pain out. I avoided thinking about it. I binge ate. I was a complete mess.  I did eveetrhing to avoid it. 

but the reality is my mum is dead and there's nothing I can do. 
 

Please can someone help me. It hurts like crazy. No-one seems to understand. If anything, friends and family expect me to have gotten over it???? No-one is kind about it.

My mum was the only person in the world who loved me unconditionally, I feel like I have no-one anymore. I just don't see the point of anything 

  • Offline

    Hello mate, first of all allow me to offer my condolences to you for the loss of your Mother.  I would also like to say that it is absolutely normal to be grieving for your mum, and the people who think that you should have 'gotten over it' by now are very wrong.  Your Mother has only been gone for just over a year, and it is still very early days.  Have you considered grief counselling?  If you are open to the idea, your Doctor can arrange it for you.  I know a couple of people who went for grief counselling after the deaths of their loved ones and they told me it really helped them a lot.  It's something for you to consider isn't it?   Grief counsellors are specially trained and they have empathy and compassion, which is exactly what you need right now.  Having lost my own mum when I was still quite young, I really do know where you're coming from.  What I can tell you is this:  You will eventually learn to live again.  I am not saying that you will 'get over' the death of your mum, because the truth is, we never truly get over the loss of someone we love so much, but somehow we learn to live with it, and yes, we even learn to be happy again.  You DO have a future, I promise you, take care mate, wishing you healing and sending hugs, xx

  • Offline

    So so genuinely sorry for the loss of your mother. I can totally relate as my Mam passed away 26 Feb 22 and although it's still early days, I'm a 48 year old car crash of a man now. I am disabled and now on anti depressants, sleeping pills as I can go days without sleep then just burn out and crash.

    Please rest assured you are totally NOT alone in your pain, there's a bond with a mother that can only ever come from a mother.

    I have faith and believe I will be with her again one day yet that one day can't come soon enough in my eyes!

    If you don't mind, I will add you in my prayers.

    Take it easy and take as much time as you need.

  • Offline in reply to Violetgirl

    Hi, thank you so much for your reply- it really does mean a lot. I had grief counselling when my mum passed away, and although that helped to an extent, I feel like I had it really early on and it helped me come to terms with her passing. But I feel like I'm at different stage in the grief cycle now, where I've accepted she's gone but I'm struggling to cope with the loss of her. 
    Losing your mum truly is the greatest pain one will ever experience

  • Offline in reply to Andrew_C

    Hi, I'm so so sorry for the loss of your mum. It really is the worst pain you'll ever experience.

    Thank you so much for taking the time out to reply to me 

    Sending you love and prayers 

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.