I posted about my nan with stage 4 lung cancer in February this year and now were at the point where her funeral is on thursday 5th may. I just don't feel its properly sunk in that she's gone. I've cried alot, maybe to much. I'm really struggling to talk about this but its just so hard. 

It started when we had a call from the nurses that went to her house on the morning of her death and they said she had a chest infection on top of the cancer and she wasn't doing well. But my family had covid at the time and if we had went down to see her and we had gave her covid she would have definitely died. But then at 3pm that day we got another call to tell us she had hours left. So we went straight away with masks on but within the half hour it took to get there she was already gone and we got met by walking in on her body lay there and its one of the most horrific things I've ever had to see in my life. And we had to wait around and hour for an ambulance to take her body away. 

I never thought I'd actually see the day this actually happened and I'm not sure how i actually feel and i don't think its going to hit me properly until the funeral and i feel like its going to be hitting like an arctic truck. Thank you for listening to anyone reading this. I'd appreciate any replies on advice how to cope.