Im not sure how to deal with my grief

I posted about my nan with stage 4 lung cancer in February this year and now were at the point where her funeral is on thursday 5th may. I just don't feel its properly sunk in that she's gone. I've cried alot, maybe to much. I'm really struggling to talk about this but its just so hard. 

It started when we had a call from the nurses that went to her house on the morning of her death and they said she had a chest infection on top of the cancer and she wasn't doing well. But my family had covid at the time and if we had went down to see her and we had gave her covid she would have definitely died. But then at 3pm that day we got another call to tell us she had hours left. So we went straight away with masks on but within the half hour it took to get there she was already gone and we got met by walking in on her body lay there and its one of the most horrific things I've ever had to see in my life. And we had to wait around and hour for an ambulance to take her body away. 

I never thought I'd actually see the day this actually happened and I'm not sure how i actually feel and i don't think its going to hit me properly until the funeral and i feel like its going to be hitting like an arctic truck. Thank you for listening to anyone reading this. I'd appreciate any replies on advice how to cope. 

  • Hi Nathan, 

    Im so sorry to hear about your Nan, my heart really aches for you. My grandad who has raised me has been diagnosed with stage 4 metastic lung cancer, and I dread this day. I'm sorry that you and your family had covid and were unable to visit your Nan during the final weeks, I can't imagine what you walked in on. Grief is different for everyone, and I personally agree that up until the funeral things don't feel real. Please know I am sending you and your family so much love. Take care x

  • Hi Nathan, so sorry about your Nan.  You are right, it won't seem real until the funeral, and even months afterwards, you will feel like it isn't quite real.  I remember after my mum died, it was 6 months later and I was at work and I was just about to phone her, and then it hit me like a sledge hammer, that she was no longer here.  Grief is different for everyone, but if there is one piece of advice I would give to you, it is to cry whenever you need to.  Let your grief come out, don't hold it in.  Sending hugs to you, take care, xx

  • Hi Nathan, 

    I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. I'm currently going through similar. My dad was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer a few days ago, and I'm still wrapping my head round the prospect that one day he will be gone.

    I also lost my grandad 4 years ago, to a brain tumour. He was diagnosed in December 2017, a few days before New Year and passed away on the 11th April 2018. I know how awful it is to lose a grandparent so soon after finding out their diagnosis. It feels like so much has been ripped from you. My grandad was my best friend, and when I lost him I didn't think I'd be able to cope ever again. But please know that time is a great healer. I still get upset over my grandad, even more so the past few days after my dads diagnosis. But day to day life has become easier, he still visits my thoughts every single day and I can imagine he always will, just like your nan will. 
    I'm sorry that your family had such a traumatic time trying to get to her in time, please seek comfort in thinking that maybe she didn't want you and your family to see her in her final moments. (My grandma didn't want us grandchildren to see my grandad die, so we said our goodbyes and within a matter of hours he passed away. I wholeheartedly believe he chose to let go when he did, and could do so peacefully knowing us grandkids weren't there and had said our goodbyes) 

    I really hope her funeral went as well as it could today, I empathise and feel your pain. You will get through this, and as I said before time is an amazing healer. While it doesn't fill the void in our hearts that has been left, it helps us move forward day by day and to carry their legacy with us forever. 
     

    Hannah x

  • Hi 

    I wish I had a decent answer for you. I try and think of funny things that me and my husband laughed about. In the end I just cry I've been told by counsellors it's the best thing to do. I hope you managed at the funeral. m