Can't get over the loss of my mum

My mum passed on 23rd March 2022, it was her funeral on 14th April. 

I moved from London in 2019 to live with her. The house is full of her things everywhere I look. 

She was diagnosed in September last year and had 4 cycles of chemo which made no difference, as it was still spreading. She suffered terribly with the pain in her legs after chemo, and didn't get any support from her doctor.

The day before she passed we had a phone call asking her to go in to hospital for a couple of days as her sodium level was low, and as she was so poorly we had to wait over 12 hours for an ambulance, by which time she was so poorly it took 3 hours to stabilise her, she passed a few hours later in A&E with me by her side. I couldn't believe I was losing her, I held her hand and told her I loved her and I was sorry and that she didn't need to fight any more. My heart shattered and I sat with her for ages after she passed, just holding her hand. She passed of sepsis and kidney failure, not her cancer. I haven't even unpacked the bag I did for her for hospital. 

Her last couple of weeks were so bad for her, she couldn't get to the toilet on her own and used to ring me overnight so I could get up to help her, etc. 

I just feel so lost now she's not here, and sob every day. I have no family, and only one friend up here, who has her own life with 4 children, so I can't burden her any more. 

We were supposed to go on holiday tomorrow and my friend said I should still go, but I feel so guilty. 

I feel so awful for telling my mum that she needed to eat, to drink, to try and do some exercise and things like that, I just kidded myself that she wasn't as bad as she was and can't forgive myself. 

  • I'm so very sorry to hear about your Mum.

    It must have been so hard for you. Please try not to feel guilty for asking her to eat, drink and exercise. You wanted/needed her to keep going, there's no shame in that. 
     

    Please seek support from your friend, I'm sure she'll want to be there for you despite having family of her own. Don't feel pressured into doing things you don't want to - take things at your own pace.

    Sending love x

  • I am so so sorry for your loss.

    I can hear how much you're hurting right now. But please try to be kind to yourself. You did what was best for your Mum and I'm sure she really appreciated that. My Mum passed away a few years ago and I used to try to get her to eat and drink as well. I can understand your feelings but you have nothing to feel guilty about, believe me. You did your best and tried to help and look after your Mum. It just shows how much you thought of her and what a lovely person you are.

    Definitely keep talking to your friend. She will want to do all she can to help you through this difficult time.

    I wish I could do more to help you right now. I'm sending you lots of hugs - please be kind to yourself, talk to your friend for support and keep posting here and we'll do our best to support you to.

    Love,

    Jess x

  • I lost my beautiful mum on 25th March 2022 to cancer, she bravely battled it for 3 years never once complaining,she was my hero and best friend .I'm absolutely devastated the pain I feel is like nothing I've ever felt before I feel like part of me died with her that day, my mum died in hospital with myself dad and brothers with her, the final days and hours before my mum died replay in my mind constantly, she suffered and there was nothing we could do to help her so my mum was put on a driver where they was constantly upping the dose to make her comfortable it was only the last 3 hours of her life where she seemed quiet and comfortable then I watched her chest stop moving and my mum took her last breath, I don't know how to deal with this I feel so lost and now I worry about my dad as his health isn't great and he misses my mum so much it's heartbreaking, I just feel lost I need my mum xxx