I lost my dad 3 days ago, I'm 32 and he was only 58, he was the most outgoing,positive, clever man and I was beyond proud to be his son. He lived life to the max, run the family engineering business and would make the most of every second! When he was diagnosed last February it hit me so hard, he tried to act strong but I could sense his fear and it killed me, we had such a strong connection. I knew I would have to run the business, which is not a walk in the park, so for the last year I've run the business at the expense of my mental health, I did it for him as it was their form of income, I'm so resentful towards it. The stress got to much and I had a breakdown, I physically couldn't take the stress. We decided it had to be sold which would take some months, it wasn't worth much at all, almost nothing. All this time he was having chemo that my brother was driving him to. He picked up in the summer, we all thought we was on a good road ! Then grandad ( his dad ) went downhill fast and last away, from cancer just before Christmas, it's all been so hard. Dad had to have a break from chemo, he was on such an intense course for liver cancer. After 6 weeks out and a trial course of emunothreapy, he went for more chemo on the Wednesday, he got sent away being to weak to have it, slept all day Thursday, I seen him Friday lunchtime and he was in bed, talking and ok in himself, still positive. Friday evening after the nurse had been he called to say me and my brother needed to go there tomorrow-Saturday- we got thee at 12.00
me my brother, my nan and his wife lay cuddling him on his bed till he passed.
the pain is nothing I could of imagined. Beyond heartbroken, just can't belive it, I can't sleep I can't stop crying.
I have this overwealming feeling of killing my self to be with him, I just can't live life without him. Is this normal ? Each hour that passes hurts more and more because I feel like I'm Getting further away from him.
rip dad I love you
