Lost my dad and don’t want to carry on life without him

I lost my dad 3 days ago, I'm 32 and he was only 58, he was the most outgoing,positive, clever man and I was beyond proud to be his son. He lived life to the max, run the family engineering business and would make the most of every second! When he was diagnosed last February it hit me so hard, he tried to act strong but I could sense his fear and it killed me, we had such a strong connection. I knew I would have to run the business, which is not a walk in the park, so for the last year I've run the business at the expense of my mental health, I did it for him as it was their form of income, I'm so resentful towards it. The stress got to much and I had a breakdown, I physically couldn't take the stress. We decided it had to be sold which would take some months, it wasn't worth much at all, almost nothing. All this time he was having chemo that my brother was driving him to. He picked up in the summer, we all thought we was on a good road ! Then grandad ( his dad ) went downhill fast and last away, from cancer just before Christmas, it's all been so hard. Dad had to have a break from chemo, he was on such an intense course for liver cancer. After 6 weeks out and a trial course of emunothreapy, he went for more chemo on the Wednesday, he got sent away being to weak to have it, slept all day Thursday, I seen him Friday lunchtime and he was in bed, talking and ok in himself, still positive. Friday evening after the nurse had been he called to say me and my brother needed to go there tomorrow-Saturday- we got thee at 12.00 

me my brother, my nan and his wife lay cuddling him on his bed till he passed.  

the pain is nothing I could of imagined. Beyond heartbroken, just can't belive it, I can't sleep I can't stop crying. 
 

I have this overwealming feeling of killing my self to be with him, I just can't live life without him. Is this normal ? Each hour that passes hurts more and more because I feel like I'm Getting further away from him. 
rip dad I love you 

  • Hi Tom

    I am so, so, sorry for the loss of your beloved dad. All that you are feeling right now is incredibly raw and normal. Do you have someone close to you who you can talk to? I would hate to think of you being alone in this right now. You need to cry, to let it out. I am sure this has been a huge shock for you. Your dad sounds like he was so vibrant and awesome. He wouldn't want you to be in this much pain, but anyone will understand that you are bound to feel so sad right now. Please message me back to let me know you are OK just now. You will receive much support from myself and this group. 

    Vicki x

  • Hello tom38,

    I'm so sorry for your loss and how it's affecting you and your family. He sounds like a wonderful person and I hope you hold onto the positive memories. It's ok to talk to your family about how you're feeling. It's a difficult time for all of you, but talking can help you move foward together. There is support out there for coping with the grief, please don't be afraid to ask for help if you're struggling. Cancer Chat is here for you and if you need to speak to someone about how you've been feeling, you can call Samaritans anytime for free on 116 123.

    All the best to you,

    Moderator Anastasia

  • you have been through so much its very painful.sending you love and hope you get through it

  • I have a lovely wife who was ever so close to him, he did so much for everyone, the most selfless person to grace the land, we live in such a tight community at the end of the land, everyone knew him and there's never been such a big shock to the community's because he was the nicest most outgoing helpful person, yet someone people don't mess with. Sounds so silly saying this but I've completely worshiped him my whole life. 
    move not been into work yet and our business has stopped as I'm not there to run it, we are in the process of selling it also, and I have so much work to get through within a month..... the level of pressure is shocking, and I physically can't function to get in there to do the work because I can't, it's so personal to my dad also, my wife and I tried going in there for an hour earlier. It was too much. 
    I feel so selfish as my dad would want nothing more than to live his life, but I feel there will be no happiness ever again without him, I've spoke to my wife how I'm feeling about wanting to go and be with him. I've been depressed this year from how **** everohas been. Now I'm feeling I just want to be with dad 
     

  • Hi Tom 

    Sorry to here about you dad I know how you feel as I lost my dad from bone cancer four months ago it is very hard To let him  go. He sounds a lovely dad. Your dad will want you to carry on and be happy. Try and talk to someone as it is good to talk. I am still finding it hard and it does get easy you take care it is good to chat on this cancer chat

  • Hello Tom38

    I can see that you've already had some very supportive responses but wanted to just pop on and say how very sorry I am to hear about your Dad. it sounds as if he was an amazing gentleman not just to you and your family but to the whole community. 

    I'd really encourage you to reach out to your GP for some help and support. You may also want to think about possibly arranging some bereavement support and I'd suggest looking at the website for a charity called Cruse. I know that this may not be something that you feel you want to do at the moment and it's great to hear that your wife is being so very supportive. Sometimes it can help to have a safe space with someone who isn't family or a friend to explore your thoughts and feelings around grief so just keep this in mind. 

    Grief is a natural process but it can be devastating. It is still very very early days in this journey that you've been forced to take. Please be kind to yourself. Keep posting here on the forum if it helps to chat, share, or offload. We're here to support you. 

    Thinking of you at this difficult time. 

    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

  • Hi,

    Today I lost the man that I called my father. He died at home after his kidneys failed. We thankfully had time together to say goodbye and enjoy his final moments together. It has been incredibly painful. 
    You wrote that you feel like you're getting away from him, but the way I see it is that it's just our fathers' physical body that has died. Our emotional and spiritual connection is still alive. No one can ever take that from us. In every memory, in every aspect of our own personalities that we got from them, in every thought that they inspire in us, we keep that connection alive. 
    Nothing can take this connection from us, not even death. 
     

    Our fathers are in a better place, without pain. They're at peace. We will keep their legacy alive and honour them. Though they might not be with us physically, they are with us always. We can keep them with us, always. 

    May you be given comfort and peace. Sending you my love. 

     

  • Sorry to hear about your father. But that's a nice way to look at everything and I've been trying to think like that, I'm taking it a lot worse than my brother but I know I need to find strength and pull myself up. Thankyou x