Emily, I am so sorry for your loss. My mother passed away from cancer 2 months ago, I moved home last summer to be with her and care for her. What you said about the last few days, I'm exactly the same. It's like it's on a loop in my head, her last week, what I should have said to her...  I was googling how to handle grief and this thread came up, I felt I had to reply to you as I'm experiencing the same. I have spoken to a bereavement counsellor over the phone, but not since before Christmas. Have you family to support you? I have great friends but they don't really understand, as they haven't experienced this loss. Please take care of yourself, you're still in shock. And contact a bereavement counsellor, it helps to talk. x

Hi Emily,

Firstly I'm so sorry for your loss of your lovely Mum. I think it's amazing that you have reached out on here so soon after, and hope you find comfort of sorts from it. I know that I definitely have - even though it's a place none of us want to be and I wouldn't wish this pain of loss on anyone. 

 my Mum died of cancer just before Christmas.  Like you my Mum was my pillar of strength & guidance and my best friend. I didn't live with her anymore but we spoke everyday and would see her several times a week. I was also with my mum in her last days, so can completely understand when you say that you can't get the memories of her last days out of your head. It's so so hard. 
 

 I've found the Cruse website helpful and this page in particular because I've had people almost expect me to be ok when I feel anything but. 

www.cruse.org.uk/.../

the idea that whilst we'll feel sad for a long time and will never not miss our mums, eventually life will grow around our sadness and we'll be able to live our life and be happy again (and think about our mums with happy memories rather than the last days we had with them) as our mums I'm sure would want us to be. 

im still very much on the early part of processing my  grief but your post really resonated with me so just wanted to say a few things that I've found helpful so far:

talking - to anyone you feel you can open up to about your feelings/worries and about your memories of your Mum. I also still talk to my mum, a little hello and goodnight everyday or tell her what I've been up to! 

walking - I've been trying to go everyday as I feel it really helps clear my Head and keep anxiety at bay a little as I've felt panicked quite often.  

journaling - I've got a notebook that I put all of my darkest saddest thoughts in if I feel I can't quite tell anyone. It can be hard to get started but I'd really recommend it if you feel up to it.  
Crying - I know this might seem so obvious but it's amazing how often you can stop yourself and I always feel the worse for it! Let the tears flow, and remember you don't always have to be strong. 

ive also found baths to be really soothing when I feel my worst. A bit of a comfort blanket.   

Apologies for this essay, I know I'm not far enough along to tell you it gets easier but I hope this might help a little. Be kind to yourself. 
Kat

p.s I'm reading Megan Devine's book it's ok that you're not ok and it's made me feel a little less alone and that all the feelings you experience are completely normal