Hey.
I don't know how or why I have ended up on this page, writing to myself but here I am!
My mother’s treatment in hospital opened my eyes to a policy of shameful neglect.
The first shock came when I found out my mother was dying. Understandably the NHS were under pressure due to the pandemic. This neglect wasn’t due to staff shortage, it was due to inadequate staff members, consultants that I pleaded with to look at my mum again!
To then be accused of being an incompetent daughter that shocked the nurses as to why I admitted my mum in hospital during a pendemic.
The reason I reached out to the hospital was due to my mum struggling to breathe. By this point I was ignored by the gp, COPD team and district nurses. After caring for mum for many years, I no longer had equipment at home to support her differing needs. I new something was wrong, I new it was cancer. I new it was inoperable, Incurable but Mum was discharged. I was dismissed by various sectors “reasuring me” there was no active cancer; 6 weeks later we had a stage 3/4 diagnosis and fluid on the heart. I say "WE" as that wasn't mum's diagnosis, it was ours!
I stayed by her bedside for 6 days and held her hand, she died in my arms. They took my mum, my best friend, our children's Grandma, a sister, a friend!
Covid didn’t do this….
Incompetence did , staff shortages were not evident, the hospital was no where near capacity. The nurses chose to have wheel chair races in the corridor whilst I was pressing emergency call buttons to bring fluid to support mum's breathing apparatus. I watched and fought for food for my mum which didn't arrive yet the staff in their tea room were making tea and toast.
Visitors were not allowed, my sister had to throw a pot noodle through the window to feed my mum. 3 hours I waited for boiling water to add, resulting in me walking into the staff room and “taking” their boiled water.
I witnessed staff “calling” my family.
Suddenly then offering food, asking me to sit my mum up in her final hours on the “driver” which I refused. Then asking what I would like to order for breakfast for her " Incase she's still here."
I listened to them lie to my mum. Would you like a procedure that you problably won’t come through or I can give you a needle to help you breath? They told me not to tell her, she didn't need to know, i saw the delight in mum's eyes that the "needle will help" mum stated that's all she wanted and thanked them, I refused, she was my mum, she had a right to know!! They looked at me in disgust.
My mum died, in my arms, I said I wanted to keep her dignity and change her, I was not prepared to see them pin a number on her - why would this be done infront of me?
I am so so angry. I feel so guilty that this happened, that she suffered, that I couldn’t do anything but watch. It hurts, it hurts so much.
Nothing hurts more than living without her each day.
Since the day I left that hospital - no one has reached out to us.
She may have been any number to them but she's OUR NUMBER 1
