I'm so sad for how bad you feel.  Nothing I or anyone will make you feel better. BUT I hear you, everyone on these forums will hear you and we are with you in the best way we can be. 

Sending you courage.

Hi there. So so sorry to hear you're feeling this way. I don't think there is ever an age where you feel ready to lose a parent. And unfortunately this cancer is unforgiving. 
You are so right though, your mum would want you to try your best to be happy. It might seem unthinkable at the moment but as your life goes on you will find happiness in other things/people. You will find a reason to keep going. 
Remember no one's relationship is perfect and most put on a front so what you see is not necessarily the case. 
You have been dealt a hard blow very early in life but don't let it define you, if possible learn from the unthinkable and allow it to make you a better, stronger person. 
As a young cancer fighter, I can truly say life is hard and sometimes things happen that we can't prepare for and that make us feel like giving up completely. But you will find strength and light in your life again. The circle of life can be long or way too short. We can't control it so make the most of every day. Sending many well wishes and hopes for the future for you. 
Also, don't do it alone. There are lots of support services out there. Contact your nearest Maggies centre and explain how you are feeling (they are amazing) or even your GP who can start the ball rolling to get you the support you need <3

You have made an amazing first step in recognising how you are feeling.

Please try and find someone to talk to, there are helplines like Childline that are there just to listen.

If you don't feel like you can talk, print off your first post and show to your GP or another trusted person and keep on showing it until you receive support.

Sometimes just writing down how you are feeling helps.

I haven't lost my mum but have been that kid in school that feels like they have their life story tattooed on their forehead and nobody realising what is going on under the surface.

I hope this message finds its way to you, every single feeling you have is 100% natural, just don't keep them locked up.
 

Hi

i wish I could say something to make you feel better.

so I was nearly diagnosed with cancer but had a treatment that fingers crossed managed to get most of it. My grandma was diagnosed with cancer which riddled her bones and I was the same age as you. I know it's not the same but to me it is... my nan was amazing she was a mum to me. It is super hard losing someone you love. I recently lost my baby nephew and that's been a struggle too. All I can say is your emotions are normal and natural..

scream if you have too laugh if you wanf too. Just keep doing you and don't let this stop you. Xxx

I am so sorry you are being forced to feel all of these terrible emotions and being so young as well. I am so very very sorry for your loss, there are no words that could ease the pain, unfortunately. And I get that.

I have lost my mom 1st December 2021. 2 weeks before she turned 55 to throat and lung cancer. I have never seen this coming and was 100% positive we will get through this until almost the very end. I still consider this happened to me at a very young age and I am 33! 

I just want to share some of the things that I found helpful which hopefully could bring you some comfort too:

1. Apparently there is a huge Grief Community on Instagram for young people who have lost their loved one, which is an absolutele safe space with lots of support and understanding from people of the same age, going through the same experiences. It is hard for people around, who have never dealt with loss to understand exactly what you are feeling and that's OK. But sharing your feelings with someone who gets it, can be very comforting and therapeutic. I suggest you check it out by typing in 'grief' or 'loss' and do a little search. There were examples of people who have lost their parent during the exams and I think you could find some common ground with that too. 

2. Grief podcasts. Listening to people sharing similar experiences and feelings after loosing a parent is somehow reasuring. Simply understanding that the emotions you are feeling are absolutely normal and finding ways to grief that would bring you peace rather than crushing pain and so much more. I normally listen this on Spotify, to mention a few - 'the grief sofa' to 'not so linear' and so many more. I suggest you do your own research, its really easy to find what is suitable for you. 

3. There is this Grief community 'Let's talk about loss' across the UK for young people aged 18-35 but I am sure if you would reach out to them, even being 16, you will get lots of useful information on what steps to take to put yourself up to a better place or someone to talk to. This can make a HUGE difference, trust me.

Either way, from personal view, my mom was my bestest friend in the whole world, I would tell her anything and everything. Since she lived in Spain and me in UK, we used to talk over the phone at least for 1-2 hours (sometimes more) every day. And at that time, I would go for a walk to the park near my home. 

As sad as it is now, not being able to talk to her, I put my headphones, put a podcast on, or call a friend or someone close to talk to (at this point it could be someone from grief community too) and go for long walks, which helps me to put all that tense energy out, do some excerise, put my thoughts into order, often simply cry my eyes out. But this helps. You cannot keep all of these feelings and emotions within you as it will find ways out and ways you most likely won't be able to control to. 

Grief is a rollercoaster with lots of curves and knots but you will go through this. We will go through this. Please do not make yourself be in this alone. The help and support is out there. 

Please feel free to reach out to me if you want to talk, I am here for you. And everything is going to be just fine.