im 16 and in my final year at school. last year just after my birthday she told me she had pancreas cancer, it was tough for me but i knew after googling about it that it wad a death sentence. On the 27th december she died at 10:10am as she caught covid at her hospice and we think with the cancer and covid that it was too much for her but she was so strong to fight for how long she did. i went back to school on monday because im in my final year and have exams soon, but whatever i do all i can think about is that i cant see her again for the rest of my life, and i just feel jealous of everyone and their perfect families and angry when they complain about stupid things because id die myself to argue with her again. everyday gets harder and harder, struggling to even get up, dragging myself to school, sitting in every lesson just thinking and pretending im fine and im sick of everybody, my friends, my teachers, even random people just tredding water around me, i know they mean well but i just want to be treated like a human and not the boy that everyone knows mum died. also, i keep feeling physical pain in my chest when i think about her and grieving just isnt easy and im angry with myself because i know all she would want is for me to be happy but i cant even force myself to, everyday i just dread having to put on a smile and act like im happy when all i think about is her. i miss her so much.
