Hi All,
This is my first post to this forum after lurking and reading advice for the last 12 months. My wonderful Mum passed away a couple of weeks ago and I'm feeling so confused and angry.
Confused over how it could have happened already - it was very quick with even medical professionals saying how shocked they were that she'd passed.
But I'm angry that my last thoughts of Mum aren't the pleasant memories that everyone else had. They're of her pleading with me to help her and her being aggressive in the final days of her life. It's all I can see when I think of her.
I tried to make sure Mum had everything she wanted/needed in her last months as I was her sole carer. I made sure I advocated for treatment she did/didn't want and made sure she was able to pass away at home, as she'd asked... but it still doesn't feel like enough, because she was in distress at the end.
I'm 27 and have lost both parents now and I just feel very alone. I've been through the loss of a parent before and know the pattern... you're surrounded by people until everyone just moves on with living their life (rightly so). Last time, I had Mum here for support. Now, I'm not sure what to do.
I'm scared to grieve because I'm worried that, if I fall apart, I won't be able to stick myself together again but I also feel that I'm doing my Mum a disservice by withholding my emotions.
Does anyone have any advice? I'm just so lost and don't know what to do at the moment.
Thank you -x-
