Haven't been able to cry since mum passed away. Can't understand why

My beautiful caring mum passed away three weeks ago. My mum was my world I looked after her since her diagnosis end of aug. I looked after her 24/7 till she passed away last month. My mum didn't want to go into hospital or a hospice so I tried to give her everything she wanted she just wanted to be at home. I have helped my dad arrange things. Everyone else is falling apart and I don't know how to help. I haven't really cried when usually I'm the one that falls apart. I tried to be strong in front of my mum as she was my rock my world and best friend. Its like im in a nightmare looking in and im terrified that when it does hit me i won't cope. I honestly loved my mum more than life itself. I just wonder why im not a mess as I have been with previous loved ones passing 

  • You are not alone and it isn't unusual. I think it is protective. Your brain is giving you the time to deal with all the practical things you need to.

    I lost my mum six years ago to pancreatic cancer. I remember feeling nothing for a few weeks - I couldn't feel sad, I couldn't feel happy. I just felt numb. Then the sadness came and for a while all I could think of was the trauma of her last few weeks, but little by little those memories were replaced by the happy ones and that's how I remember her now. 

    however you feel, whenever you feel it is okay. Dont judge yourself for not feeling like others do. She will be with you the rest of your life and you will miss her the rest of your life, but your love will carry you on. Take good and gentle care of yourself. 

  • Im so sorry for your loss thank you for your kind words of support. My mum too had pancreatic cancer . Like yourself the trauma of the last few weeks and feeling helpless as there was nothing I could do to help . Take care of yourself too x

  • Hi, my mum died on 7th December. I cried watching her die, but since she died I have just carried on as normal. I haven't shed a tear, not even during her funeral. I go for long periods without even thinking of her. I think there is something terribly wrong with me. 

  • Same with my Mum who died in March 6 weeks after diagnosis. Pancreatic cancer is horrible and those of us who took care of our loved ones in the last month go through terrible trauma which no-one on the 'outside' can really understand.