Hi Everyone,

My mum (55) was recently diagnosed with incurable throat cancer and it has had such a drastic effect on her quality of life in just two months.  

Since the diagnosis, she has dropped to 5 stone and can only manage to eat a few mouthfuls of food once a week. She won't drink the fortisips because they make her feel sick and she's only really getting by with copious amounts of cups of tea. I've suggested and bought so many different soft foods but the fear of throat pain is outweighing the need to eat. When she does eat she gets shooting head pain and says that her head feels like it's on fire. It's so difficult to watch as there is nothing I can do but to watch her suffering in pain. Sometimes it's so bad I think to call an ambulance but she just says 'it will pass'

Mum doesn't want to 'burden' myself or my siblings with all the details so won't tell us what palliative care she has been offered. She hasn't told us anything about her timeframes and when she has an appointment she just says that the doctors didn't say much. She goes to all of them with her best friend. I know she thinks this is the right thing to do but it actually makes it all ten times harder. 

I'm so scared and apprehensive about what's to come as I don't know what to expect or how I am meant to care for my Mum when the time comes. I don't even know how I will know that the time has come. I assume it'll be a gradual thing but honestly, I have no idea. I've also read other people's stories about dementia which runs in my family, and about people becoming aggressive. Are we to expect this too?

I have an email to her Mcmillan nurse, if I asked them for some clarity, would they be able to share something with us?

I don't want to overstep or go behind my mum's back but it's at the forefront of my mind every day and all I want is to make sure Mum is as comfortable and pain-free as possible.