I'm sorry to read your news, onlychild. I'm glad that your Dads passing was peaceful and I hope and pray that it's the same for mine. 
Take care xx

Dads home. Meds are not right - was sent home with no painkillers aside from the "emergency box" of injections, so last night and today has been the struggle we were promised we wouldn't have. We seem to have got that sorted now, but Dad is very very tired. Mum is very stressed but at the same time isn't ready to have her space completely invaded so it's a case of me spending a few hours a day at theirs and doing any running around needed for prescriptions, errands etc.,

I think that very soon I'll be moving in with them for a while though.

It's hard, already, and I know there's worse to come.

Am I a bad person for wanting Dad to sleep as much as possible so that he's not aware of what's going on?

I just don't want him to suffer; as a family there will be time enough for us to deal with our grief later.

Tubbs how is your Dad doing? 

Well, the occupational therapists at the hospital were more or less prepared to deny Dad any chance of mobility and weren't even going to send him home with a walking frame, saying he wouldn't be able to get out of bed again.

Yet the lovely carers, who treat him like an adult have had him walk on a frame into the bathroom already today - something the therapists said he couldn't do.

Nothing will change the outcome for my Dad but I think his hospital stay has hastened his decline. They treat the symptoms rather than the person, in my opinion, and give up on patients far too easily.

Dad seemed to be deteriorating today. He still knows who we are and has a little chat with us, but he keeps falling asleep and getting a bit confused about things at times.

He's on codeine for some bad pain he's getting so I'm not sure whether his symptoms are due to the effects of that, or whether it's another step towards the end.

Added to this he's getting irritable and snappy. Especially with mum and me, because we're there the most. 
It's understandable but it's upsetting too, and I ended up leaving without going back up to his room to say goodbye today, because he'd just been rotten to me, and I felt a bit tearful about it.

I think he's had enough and I'm dreading every new day now.

Great to hear some positive news about your Dad Tubbs.

Been an awful day here and I feel so anxious and scared. Dad sent carers away this afternoon and said he wouldn't want them this evening either. Mum asked them to please come tonight but they didn't, and when she rang they said they didn't come because he told them not to. 
I get it. He still has his faculties even though he is acting out of character, so they will listen to his requests, not ours.

But it's frustrating and scary, because if he starts refusing all help I don't know what we'll do. 
 

I'm heartbroken that he was so nasty about me this afternoon, worried because my Mum is so fuming with him right now, and frightened of watching my Dad going through the process of dying - I feel in my gut that it's going to be very hard.

I shouldn't keep posting like this but today has been so horrible.

Dad has deteriorated rapidly in just a few days.

Was coughing non stop this morning and had to be given an injection. Has been asleep since.

I've come home as there's nothing to be done at present and I feel like my Mum doesn't particularly want my company just now, Possibly because she needs to focus on her own emotions and not worry about mine.

I feel like it's days now rather than weeks. I'm surprised at myself for posting all this stuff but it's helping a bit yo get everything out, especially since family members don't want to deal with the grief of others when they're dealing with their own, so it does help to "talk" about it somewhere.

Hi Debs, how right you are about posting it does make it easier to write your thoughts down as I well know.  I think you have got it right about Mum, I know that at the moment all my concern is for Norman and mentally it's draining and anyone else in the mix makes it harder.  I know you've messaged me so I am on most days if I have time.  Sending all my love, Carol x 

Dad has slipped away from us. His passing was not too traumatic for him, in fact the speed of it is quite breathtaking when I think about it. Am massively grateful for that.

it was, however, very traumatic for us, and although I'm glad we were there at the end, I don't feel like I'll ever be able to stop reliving  his last moments.

I'm swinging between numbness, desolation and shock at the moment and all the planning and constant calls and visits that have followed have meant there's been no time to properly come to terms with things.

In the end, I was strong enough, we all were. The future though remains to be seen.

sending heartfelt good wishes to everyone affected by this awful illness xx

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your Dad. He was surrounded by love and is now at peace. Thinking of you and your family at this very sad time x