You are strong enough, Debs. 

I know how it feels to put your thoughts down like this. I just wanted you to know that I heard you. That you can keep this conversation going here if you want to. 

I likely dont have answers, but I do have time and some experience of what you're dealing with. For me it was my late Wife. I was her full time Carer for the last two years of her life. Those months were both a test and a privelidge. 

Sending heartfelt hugs

Thank you for replying; I'm so sorry for your loss.

it's a hideous, spiteful illness that drains patients of their energy, dignity and quality of life.

My Dad is having such a bad time and I don't know how long this will go on for. It's so unclear whether his quality of life will improve a little or if he'll just exist like this until he can't any more.

Today I feel like I can't face another day of this, tomorrow though I'll grit my teeth and carry on again because that's all we can do.

Hi Debs

i could have written this post myself. My dad has stage 4 oropharyngeal cancer and there's nothing the doctors can do for him. He was offered palliative radiotherapy but he's too poorly to have it. He's currently back in hospital as he was rushed in Sunday because he couldn't breathe, they put him on oxygen and found fluid on his right lung which they can't drain because he's too thin and they're worried about puncturing his lung. They're giving him antibiotics which aren't doing what they should. It just seems every time he starts to feel a little better something else smacks him the face. He's so low and like your dad he's not very responsive, though he struggles to talk and it's hard to understand him and he gets frustrated sometimes. Sorry to waffle on, I just wanted you to know that I can sympathise and I totally get you. Take care and feel free to message anytime. Best wishes to your dad x

You're not waffling at all onlychild, and I'm sorry you're going through this, and that your poor Dad is suffering so.

I don't know if it's just me, but I'm finding that it's sometimes a bit difficult to share how I'm feeling with other family members because they too are struggling with the situation and with their own feelings.

Hence me unloading here, (and anyone else who needs to, please free to unload too!)

I know exactly what you mean about one thing being dealt with and then another problem arising; for instance an infection has been treated but now there's fluid to be treated and high blood sugar.

it's like they're constantly putting out little fires whilst the big one - the actual illness - continues to rage.

And in my Dads case it's so miserable and frustrating.

I can only wish all the strength in the world to anyone going through this themselves or watching a loved one suffer.

After almost 4 weeks in hospital, Dad will be probably sent home in a few days, with carers coming in to get him in and out of bed and very little mobility.

No more treatment, just keeping comfortable - whatever that may mean. A matter of months.

Devastated and angry - I feel he/we have been abandoned. I'm terrified and I feel like I don't want to go on, but I've no choice but to get on with it.

Sorry to hear your news, were going through a very similar experience, My Dad as Bowel Cancer, had a stoma- but still v unwell, weak ect, he couldnt walk for 11 weeks ( spent 13 in Hospital) managed to be able to walk a bit so now hes home.. If im honest hes not really happy - better @ home, But lacks interest  in anything & is grumpy & short ( probs due to unwell & frustration) .., its an awful situation, try to go day by day??!  Thinking of you.. xx

Hi Debs, just to let you know my dad passed away a week ago today . He passed with us, his family around him and once sedated and on morphine to sort the pain out he went peacefully. 
I hope your dad is doing ok and comfortable, my thoughts are with you and your family. X

Hi Debs, it's Carol.  It's awful to watch and I'm going through the same at the moment, unfortunately there are no answers it seems and we basically have to bear the trauma of it all.  I know how you feel, me too, but we love them and we want them to fight for us, but there comes a point when the fight has gone and they want to make their own route, not ours.  I'm here if you need to vent or say things privately, you can do that on private messages, I'll accept your request.  Sending all my love from me to you, I know how it is.  Carol x 

Thanks so much Carol. I've just read your latest post and I'm so sorry you and Norman are having such a rough time too.

I keep telling myself to keep on keeping on, because it's all we can do and my Mum needs someone to bolster her up too. I'm afraid I'm failing miserably at times when it hits me like a wave of grief, but mostly I think we're trying to do him proud.

I don't think he's quite ready to go yet, but I looked at him yesterday and I felt that that time would come - I can absolutely foresee a point where he's had enough. We've been told short months and it's terrifying to contemplate.

Keep staying strong Carol, and you too have a vent whenever you want to. And ditto to you with the friend request xx

Thanks Debs xx