Brain mets..now what?

My mum was diagnosed with lung cancer about 4 months ago after 4 months of pains in her ribs. The cancer had already spread to her ribs by diagnosis and her memory was deteriorating rapidly. 2 months ago she had a seizure and there are several places in her brain now showing mets....I didn't even know what mets were till 2 months ago....

Mum has gone from that seizure..not knowing who she was or even being able to stand, to removing a bit of memory and being able to walk with a frame. She is home from hospital after 2 months, but I'm seeing now she get very tired, her memory is quite bad again, and she is really weak and confused at night.

She still eats really well and drinks plenty but her pain in her ribs is bad. I'm staying with my parents to help them, but can't stay forever as I have a family of my own abroad. I just don't know what to expect with this disease, will she stay like this for months? Is she going down hill? Do I have long left with her? Am I safe to leave and come back later or should I stay cos she hasn't got long? I don't know what this looks like at the end...or what to expect. Has anyone been through this and can tell me what I'm faced with?

I love her so much and don't want to miss a thing by leaving if her time left is short...if its months I can go and come back again. Or does that sound selfish...I've never been so torn in my life.

  • Hello Loulou45 and a warm welcome to Cancer Chat! 

    I am so sorry to hear that your mum's cancer has spread and she now has brain mets. There is information on our website on advanced lung cancer which may be useful to you to help you understand what is going on. It's totally understandable that you can't stay with your parents forever as your family is all abroad and it's already very nice of you to have come to see your parents to help them at the moment. 

    Unfortunately it's always really hard to predict how long someone may have left exactly but perhaps you could try and talk to your mother's medical team as they will have all the information about your mum at hand and may be able to tell you more about her specific situation. You could explain that you live abroad and would like to know whether you can go away and come back later or whether they think that she doesn't have long left. It may be they don't really know themselves as it's so difficult to predict, but it is worth talking to them about whether they can give you an indication as to what to expect in the coming days, weeks or months. 

    I hope that you will hear from others on the forum who have been through this before and that they will be happy to share their story with you. You're definitely not selfish at all, you are simply being pulled in different directions as you have your own family too to look after. It's normal to feel torn in a situation like this and I hope that you can talk to your mum's specialist about all this. 

    Feel free also to give our nurses a call if you'd like to talk things through with them - you can call them Monday to Friday from 9am to 5pm on 0808 800 4040. 

    Best wishes, 

    Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator