Struggling with care

Hi, 

my dad has pancreatic cancer 6 weeks ago which has spread to his liver, bone and lymph nodes. He was given 6 months but as a nurse myself I know that's optimistic.

 

he lives alone, my my had to go into a nursing home at just 67 8 weeks ago as my dads health was deteriorating and she couldn't be cared for at home she has copd and heart failure.

my dad is just 69 and gone from being self sufficient to deteriorating rapidly. as I district nurse myself I understand what's happening.

 

however as a family there's just me and my sister, my brother died 18 months ago from bowel cancer,my mums Dutch do all out family is abroad and there's non over here.

We've managed to get carers which my dad has refused really but he's going off his legs, my sister and I are trying to be there as much as we can but I have small children and we can't be there overnight so we're going late and coming back early. We've asked for help and get told he's not end of life enough which as I nurse I don't get? Both myself and my sister are off sick from work to try and care for my dad but we're on our knees! I feel like he's deteriorating so quickly he's only got weeks but tbh I don't feel supported from the service I work in myself!  Anyone else struggling? 
 

my dad is vomiting, not really eating and going off his legs 

 

thanks 

  • Hi 

    Have you been given pallative care team. This cancer doesnt wait for end of life care. The decline can be quick and your dads needs have progressed quickly. 

    My huband stopped eating around 4 days b4 he passed and last 36 hours no longer took fluids. 

    We were lucky we got a good team this was a 1st and a surprise. 

    Can you get in touch with his dr or a local hospice who might help speed up the care he needs ?

  • Thanks for replying, Gp and dougie Mac are involved. My sister rang dougie Mac today to ask for more help and they've promised someone will visit tomorrow.

     

    just so hard as we've had countless visits last week, staff are supportive but there's no option or offer of extra help.

     

    ideallu I think he needs to go in a hospice but this hasn't been mentioned or offered.

     

    hopefully they will discuss this tomorrow 

  • Hi again.

    Dont wait for offers of help. There are ways of asking without demanding what is right. We shouldnt have to beg for the care that should be there in the first instance. Dont wait to be offered just put it out there. 

    Honestly makes me both sad and angry when things are not in place from the get go. 

    Have a list of questions about the care you require and dont let anyone pass you off when they visit tomorrow. Find out how they are going to go forward. If it is to much for you to have your dad at home tell them your struggle. He needs to be in the best place for his needs.

    This pancreatic cancer is just emotionally and physically draining for all involved 

    Your main need is care and pain management for your dad and support for you and your sister.