Hello Marie

I'm so sorry to hear that you're really struggling with things at the moment. You are absolutely not being selfish. You're managing so many things at the moment and it's understandable that you're struggling. 

I'd really encourage you to reach out to your GP for some support in the first instance and I'd also suggest having a look at the Maggie's website. You may find that there's a centre locally for you and they offer all sorts of support services. It may also be that your GP or one of the nurses supporting your husband has some information about local support services that you can access. 

There's also some really helpful information on the Macmillan website here that you may want to have a read through. 

Marie, you're most welcome to give our team of nurses a call and chat things through with them. I know they will be happy to listen and offer any advice, information and support that they can. They're available Monday to Friday 9 am to 5 pm on 0808 800 4040. Give them a call. 

The forum is always here to try and support you, Marie. I hope that it helps to write things down here and please keep posting and let us know how you're getting on. There are many members here who will understand how difficult and lonely it can be when a loved one has cancer so please know that you're not alone. 

Sending you my best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator 

Hi Marie,

It really is an awful situation that we find ourselves in.

The best advice that I have been given is that, if I am to help my family I need to be well - whether that is taking a chance to have a run, whether that is getting support from professionals, family or friends. It doesn't compensate for the loss you are feeling, someone i talked to on here hit the nail on the head - grieving, grieving for the life that you and your husband have lost with his illness, but please be kind to yourself - there is no rule book, no way to react - its really a terrible situation and all you can do is your best - don't be hard on yourself for anything you feel, all of us who are in this boat feel the same.

I find chatting on here with people in the same situation is really supportive, whenever you are struggling please reach out for support.

Take care of yourself.

Si

Hi si 

Thankyou for your kind message what you say is very true.

One of my problems I have is i feel really guilty doing anything 8 mean absolutely Every thing. I feel bad eating even watching tv when Ian can't enjoy he's food.

I don't want to go out and leave him if I go out it's just to take dog for a quick walk I get food shopping delivered. 

I have made arrangements to see my grandson this weekend he wants to go to the beach I feel bad about doing that.

This time last year we would have been taking our grandson all over.

He used to sleep over at our house nearly every weekend.

My husband misses him so much but he doesn't want Oscar seeing him poorly.

I'm torn everywhere 

I'm really worried about Ian at the moment he still can't eat properly he needs to be strong for any other treatment they will offer him. They said they hoping he would be strong enough in a couple of weeks time.

I try to get him to eat I have got loads of food in so there is lots of choice but I can't tempt him.

How are things for you at the moment? I hope things are ok well as ok as they can be .

I could send you a friend request if you want then we can chat whenever you want it's up to you I won't be offended if you don't want to .

You take care speak soon 

Marie x

Hi Marie,

Yes I recognise all of that, the guilt really is bad isn't it, but you do also need to do things for yourself and if you don't look after yourself you will find it harder to look after Ian. I hope you have a good time with your grandson, I'm sure it will give you some respite from this hateful situation.

Have you tried making Smoothy's for Ian? Debs likes them and they are a great way to get lots of calories and vitamins into him without being hard to digest.

Things are pretty grim here too - Debs is in hospital again and its touch and go as to whether she'll be strong enough for her chemo on Tuesday. Cancer, it seems isn't satisfied with ravaging her organs, but it has also grown a tumour which is blocking her fluid distribution which has left her abdomen and legs severely swollen and she has hd a drain put in, her legs were spontaneously weeping and she has terrible blisters and sores, it breaks me up to see her like that. She had a down day today, but luckily the ward that she's on is one that is trialling limited visiting so I've been able to see her, help her get to the bathroom and have a shower, I could rub cream into her poor legs, it was so nice to be able to help her a little. Despite all of this, she is still so positive - she's an absolute inspiration.

Please do try to be kind to yourself and find ways of gaining support - I do find chatting on here very supportive, despite having lots of friends and family who are amazing and wrapping us in a wave of compassion, they don't understand in the way that everyone here does. I would like to chat with you, it really does help me and i hope it does you too.

Take care

Si x