Hi Pennywise, guilt gets us all doesn't it, but you need to put your wife and family first as they are your future.  I spent years trying to please my Dad but nothing worked until I walked away from it all, he then reached out to me but like your Dad he got cancer.  So I did all that I could, travelled hundreds of miles to see him but when he died the Will he left basically denied my existence.  So my point is that some people never change no matter how hard you try.  Dad should have a McMillan nurse, the GP surgery can also help, get paid help organised if Mum can't cope as there is money that can be claimed when you have cancer, again speak to McMillan they will help.  Marie Curie can also help when he is nearing the end, my friend aged 75 has just died and they were with her at her home until the end.  My husband is 75 with incurable lung cancer so I do know how you all feel.  Take control and put things in place to make it easier, if they don't want this help then why should you sacrifice everything when life can be so much easier for you all.  My brother did very little for my Mum when she was ill but some siblings always do more, that's the way it is.  Let me know how  it goes. Carol 

I agree with Dor06.  Your Dad may be around for a few years yet, but your wife may not?  Do something your Dad never did, put your kids first.

Sorry for your news & good luck for the future.

Hello Pennywise,

                            your Dad has lived his life,why should you not do the same.Any good parent would never seek to stand in the way of their childrens lives,and would be upset to find they had done.Make your peace before you go,and good luck,

                                                                     David

Carol

thank you for your reply, it's good to know that there is help from Macmillan, something I did not know about. I am sorry to hear about your husband also , I hope that you are coping well and have the support that you need. 
Yes my dad has broken a lot promises over the years, my wife on tolerates him because of me, when we come to visit him if it's him answering the door he will unlock the door open and walk off. My wife finds it very disrespectful but holds it in because of the situation. 

the other issue is my sister , she lives in the same town is married into money and is seen as the golden star in his eyes at least. The ironic thing here is that her husband never comes round to visit my parents , but yet my sister will defend or make excuses for him. She has now layed it on to me that I must stay here as to give support , that I should just look for a better job here but I must not move. She is being narcissistic. I am at the point where I just ignore her. 

I have some tough decisions to make 
 

Egg man 

thank you for your reply. Your right I need to think long term and my wife is my priority, the fact I know my folks will probably resent me and the extended family will judge me . But I have also sacrificed enough , I need to pursue my dreams and ambitions.

If your sister has money then she can pay for help.  Sometimes in life we need to do what is best for our family, in your case, wife and children.  Trust me it will all come right in the end because once you make a clear choice and walk away knowing you've done your best you will not regret it.  My brother is also very controlling but I walked away from it all even the family business and I have never once regretted it.  They are all still arguing amongst themselves whilst I have two grown daughters, two lovely son in laws and three gorgeous grandchildren and they are my future.  So be brave and make the right choices.  Good luck and all the best for a happy future.  Carol