hello Ellliebm,

                        it can be soul destroying watching someone you love struggle through chemotherapy as it takes away the person you knew previously and replaces them with a struggling shell.. It becomes increasingly difficult to visualise them emerging intact from the other side of this treatment,and your concerns are understandable.As a former recipient of both chemo and radiotherapy l have to say that until god forbid,you go there yourself,it is hard to appreciate the degrree of complete exhaustion this treatment bestows upon your body and all of its functions..

                                                                                               Thats the negatives,lets think about the positives.It may well be the case that the inital treatment is potent in a planned move to hit the cancer hard to put it into remission.Since the chemo effect is cumalative each treatment round leads to increased tiredness,but this does recede as treatments are finished or subsequently eased back as the tumour growth is stopped and stabilised,allowing much smaller doses which are easier tolerated..Please do not lose sight of the fact that the person you know and love is still there and can come back to you again after the current tough love regime is eased, my own recollection was like being held by only one toe over a bottomless void ,and difficult to see a way back from what looked like the inevietable,but after many small steps 7 years later and living life better than ever shows the possibilities.

                                                                                                                                  Its  definitely a hard journey but not necessacerily a hopeless one,you just have to accept it can take time and hold your faith,which l hope is well rewarded in the fullness of time,

                                                                                                      take care of yourself and all those around you,

                    David

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Hi [@elllliebm]‍ 

First of all, lots of {{{Hugs}}}  I can't imagine being in your situation apart from the fact it must be so very hard on you. 

Have you thought of contacting someone at Cancer Research for support, or even MacMillan.org for support.  There will be staff there who will be able to support you in many ways, including listening to your concerns etc. I'm sure you'd find a lot of help there.

Wishing you all the best  {{{Hugs}}} 

Hello,

I have thought about contacting the macmillan nurses etc but i guess i feel to scared and nervous too. My mum usually mentions them and talks to them so i feel like it's something i shouldn't be doing for now, like i should leave it for my mum. That's why i came onto here, it seemed more open and i wouldn't have to personally talk to the nurses as right now i feel a bit confused and lost in all of this. 

Thank you for the hugs <3

Hello Elliebm,

                      it is difficult to appreciate how completely drained you can feel after chemo unless you have been there,so yes l can understand how your dad is responding.l have been through several major operations and have been close to the edge ,but on more than one occaision,so you can believe me when l say that my chemo was the most debilitating thing l have ever had to face,and it does get progressively harder.Imagine then what it does to your nasty little visitor.Right now your father has little left to give elsewhere since all his energy is directed within his body coping with the chemo effects,but it will ease.Your appetite is destroyed,so you eat or drink little of whatever you can manage.Destructive is the word l used for my chemo,like a war was taking place within my body,which suffered all the collateral damage of a battlefield,when the invader is destroyed you can rebuild the damage left behind.l found that had nothing left to give elsewhere and had to retreat within myself and focus and preserve all my energies for my own fight,l remember feeling selfish but also realising the importance of doing so in order to emerge out the other side.Like l said before just normality and support  is the biggest thing,

                                                                    take care,

                                                                                         david