My mum has cancer and I’m really scared :(

Hi

I'm new to this, and a bit emotional at the minute so I apologise if I seem a bit of a mess! My mum found out she had breast cancer a little over a month ago, and starts chemotherapy today (it's currently 1.30am and I can't sleep at all). She's absolutely terrified, but she doesn't really talk about it with me or my sister (I am 20, my sister is 17). I've taken some holiday from work to help her and to look after her, as it is just the three of us in the house and my sister is at college. I've spend all week cleaning and disinfecting the house for her and making it so she'll be comfortable, as the doctors have given her a list of all of the worst case scenarios in terms of side effects, and I just want to be prepared. I know she's scared as sometimes I'll wake up in the night and I can hear that she is still sat up downstairs by herself which is uni all for her, but when I go down she insists that she's fine as was just about to go to bed. She's spoken to my Granny (her mother in law) about it as she went through the same thing when I was little, but my mum still doesn't properly let out her emotions, she just puts on a brave face but I can see her holding back tears. To make matters worse, our cat has also been diagnosed with cancer, and she doesn't have much time left, and our pets are my mums entire world. Because mum has been signed off of work I am now the only one that is earning money (she is receiving some help financially, but it's still been quite a strain on us) and I am going to be her main carer, which I am having to do on top of a full time job - luckily I am able to work from home. I just don't know how to cope. We can't afford any of the vet bills for our cat and we are all beside ourselves, and I have had to step up and look after the entire household. Everyday things seem to just get a little bit worse, we get more and more bad news. At the same time though, I have read other peoples stories and mine can not compare, and I feel beyond selfish and almost pathetic for being so upset and struggling this much. I've had the support from my girlfriend, but she can't be here all the time and I get so lonely, as no one else in my life has reached out to even ask how I am. On one hand I wake up everyday and I just want to sob and give up because things just feel hopeless, but on the other I can't help but constantly think about people who have it worse, and that I need to just grow up and get on with it. I don't know what to do and my mental health is suffering, and I just feel very alone. My sister doesn't cope well with things like this, and at the minute is just acting like everything is fine and normal, and that makes me even more upset as I feel like I'm overreacting. I don't know what to do or what to feel anymore. I'm so scared about her starting chemo, and I can not bear the thought of her looking/being so ill and losing her hair. Whenever I think about her losing her hair I just can not stop crying which I know isn't helpful for her, as she's scared as well. I want so badly to be strong for her and my sister like she was our entire childhoods, but I just don't know how.

Sorry for the long post/rambling! 

Thank you 

Cam

  • Hi there cam, 

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... watching someone you love go through cancer is so tough ...

    I'm a grade three breast cancer lass to ... I had my masectomy in 2017 ... so I know how it feels and what your going through ... though from a different perspective ... as each journey is different ...

    Firstly take a deep breath ... there's lots of us getting through cancer ... we have a much better chance now ... what I found helpful was having someone there to hold my hand ... yes it's scary but it's o.k for you both to admit that ... and it's good to share tears and hugs ... try to live in the day ... don't look ahead .. don't do the what ifs.... then it becomes overwhelming... and no one copes ...

    I spent two days crying and cussing on my own ... then my daughter in law sat me and my son down and said to us what I've just said to you ... and I found the strength to get up, stop panicking... get my self a pair of pink vertual boxing... got in the cancer ring and looked it in the eye and got ready to punch it right back .. it's like a rollercoaster ride... up and positive one minute and crashing down and low the next ..

    That's fine getting it all out .. but it's standing back up and getting back in the ring for another round .. cancer wants everyone to give up and roll over and not fight ... then it feels strong ... well let's put two fingers up to cancer... and if you can share everything ... feelings esp ... if you try to carry this on your own, you will crack .. and then mum could crack ... like a house of cards ..

    So get in that ring with your mum ... support her and hold her hand like she did you as a baby, when she taught you to walk ... she knew you'd stumble and fall .. but she carried on letting you go, till you could walk alone ... now hold her hand ... but please share things together ... good and bad ... 

    It's not about winning or losing... it's about getting through this journey together ... Chrissie x

  • P.s ...  and don't worry bout your mum loosing her hair ... she'll still be your mum ... and her hair can grow back ... they have amazing wigs and pretty scalfs now ... take every problem as and when it comes up... you can do this ... x

  • Hi Chrissie

    Thank you so much for your kind words, it's really helped me the past few days and we have spoken more and I feel a bit more in control of the situation now

    Cam xx