Hi

I'm new to this, and a bit emotional at the minute so I apologise if I seem a bit of a mess! My mum found out she had breast cancer a little over a month ago, and starts chemotherapy today (it's currently 1.30am and I can't sleep at all). She's absolutely terrified, but she doesn't really talk about it with me or my sister (I am 20, my sister is 17). I've taken some holiday from work to help her and to look after her, as it is just the three of us in the house and my sister is at college. I've spend all week cleaning and disinfecting the house for her and making it so she'll be comfortable, as the doctors have given her a list of all of the worst case scenarios in terms of side effects, and I just want to be prepared. I know she's scared as sometimes I'll wake up in the night and I can hear that she is still sat up downstairs by herself which is uni all for her, but when I go down she insists that she's fine as was just about to go to bed. She's spoken to my Granny (her mother in law) about it as she went through the same thing when I was little, but my mum still doesn't properly let out her emotions, she just puts on a brave face but I can see her holding back tears. To make matters worse, our cat has also been diagnosed with cancer, and she doesn't have much time left, and our pets are my mums entire world. Because mum has been signed off of work I am now the only one that is earning money (she is receiving some help financially, but it's still been quite a strain on us) and I am going to be her main carer, which I am having to do on top of a full time job - luckily I am able to work from home. I just don't know how to cope. We can't afford any of the vet bills for our cat and we are all beside ourselves, and I have had to step up and look after the entire household. Everyday things seem to just get a little bit worse, we get more and more bad news. At the same time though, I have read other peoples stories and mine can not compare, and I feel beyond selfish and almost pathetic for being so upset and struggling this much. I've had the support from my girlfriend, but she can't be here all the time and I get so lonely, as no one else in my life has reached out to even ask how I am. On one hand I wake up everyday and I just want to sob and give up because things just feel hopeless, but on the other I can't help but constantly think about people who have it worse, and that I need to just grow up and get on with it. I don't know what to do and my mental health is suffering, and I just feel very alone. My sister doesn't cope well with things like this, and at the minute is just acting like everything is fine and normal, and that makes me even more upset as I feel like I'm overreacting. I don't know what to do or what to feel anymore. I'm so scared about her starting chemo, and I can not bear the thought of her looking/being so ill and losing her hair. Whenever I think about her losing her hair I just can not stop crying which I know isn't helpful for her, as she's scared as well. I want so badly to be strong for her and my sister like she was our entire childhoods, but I just don't know how.

Sorry for the long post/rambling! 

Thank you 

Cam