Hi.

I'm 26 and my dad has been diagnosed with bowel cancer today. He has been having tummy troubles for well over a year, losing weight and a few months ago started seeing blood in his bowel movements. He had a colonoscopy and they found a big tumour. They broke the news to him and he's due to have a ct scan and an mri next week. I know he's feeling very unwell and he's devastated by the news but he's trying to put a brave face on. He saw his grandchildren today through alexa and couldn't hold his tears back. The news literally didn't make me feel like anything at first. It's like my body and mind didn't know to react... it's 00:00 here now and boom I am having a massive meltdown. I'm so angry at life that I want to kick and scream and punch something so bad. The pain is unbearable. The thought of my dad gettin worse or worst case scenario dying makes me want to disappear from this world so that I don't have to go through this. I love him so much. He is such a good, hardworking man that has always provided for his family and he's such an amazing dad to me and my sister and grandad to my kids. I don't want to lose my dad. i don't want my dad to suffer. This is so ******* unfair and I just don't know how to cope. I already really struggle with depression and anxiety with recently having to go back on antidepressants and this has been such a blow. I know people will tell me I have to stay strong for him and spend a lot of time with him but in all honesty I'm at the bottom right now and feel like this is something I can't come to terms with. I wish I could take it from him and deal with it myself. Also I can't even begin to imagine what my mum must feel like. Sorry for the long post but I don't know what to do or who to reach out to.