Hi, 

my dad was diagnosed with lung and brain cancer last November, symptoms pointed to a stroke, he was offered a op the radiation to try and prolong his life for a couple of years, we was desperate for him to take it, tears, augment ,begging, nothing worked. He died 8 weeks ago, 

it's broke our hearts, but looking back, we think he knew he didn't have long in himself, not giving up, just not wanting to go through everything, for a maybe and could of been left worse.

my advise would be , please try and accept her decision even though it's heartbreaking, and use the time instead of talking about treatment plans, to talk relive memories make her laugh, cry together, we in the end as a family, all sat in the home with my dad, doctors, nurses and Carers didn't mention once about COVID and complained about us in the home with him.

love and hugs to yous , it's so difficult, but do it together xxx

Hello,

Having been through cancer myself, I understand how damaging it can be on your mental health. I've literally come to the end of treatment back in Nov. Unless you have been through it, you won't have an understanding (thankfully) just how terrifying it is. The fear and anxiety can get excruciatingly painful and so difficult to handle that it consumes you to the point of taking over any rationality. However, you think you are being rational. Cancer is very much a mental disease as it is a physical disease.

I don't know if it would help but one of the things that pulled me through the fog was talking to people and gaining their perspective. Now, perspective is VERY different to advice. If you could just plant positive seeds (perspective) by saying  'imagined what life could be like if you went through the treatment and it works.' Kindly challenge your aunt's views of wondering if the treatment is worth the bother.

Not to get too deep, but think about people who want to die by suicide. Why do they want to? Coz they are terrified and don't want to face the pain/side effects. Cancer is a similar situation.

Another thing that's helped me is looking at YouTube vids of people who are in a similar position. There's a wonderful women who advocates for women with cancer. She was diagnosed with breast cancer and it's ended up spreading to her lungs and brain. She's an inspirational women. Her name is Nalie Agustin.

Also, maybe get her a simple gratitude book so she can recognise and list the small things in life that have made her happy each day.

Hope I've helped. Sorry if I haven't.

Thank you Crazyfamily. I’m really sorry to hear about your dad. Wonderful that he had you all around him though, it must have been a great comfort to him.

You’re right - it’s hers not anyone else’s choice to make and we need to listen to her and respect whatever she decides and either way make the most of things rather than wasting time and energy fighting against her decision.
 

Yes you have helped - thank you for sharing your experience and touching on how it feels first-hand. My aunt was a member of a local cancer support group (pre-covid, whilst supporting another family member) and I don’t know what has happened with that, so I may suggest reaching out there to get other people's perspectives. She’s quite old school so not sure how she would feel about online resources but the gratitude book is a lovely idea.

I know this is about her and I’m only really on the sidelines but I want to support her and everyone the best possible way so really value all your replies.

Without meaning this in a horrible way, when you go through cancer, everyone says you are not alone. That may be so and you could have a whole army of supportive people around you, but the fight against cancer IS a lonely place. 

The only other thing you can do for your aunt is practice active listening with her. Explore her feelings through talk so that she can put a voice to her concerns out loud, feel heard and face her feelings. PLEASE look after your mental health too though.