Dear Vcass

So very sorry that you and your loved ones are undergoing this. 

I was in the same position as your husband and I completely cut out my partner as I simply didn't have the time or headspace to deal with another person. It is all consuming. My focus was my parents. It caused many rows with my partner, culminating in an ultimatum that either he accepts that this is how it is for the time being or he has to leave. He accepted that I had other priorities and set about caring for me, without questions or demands, when I needed it.  I'm grateful he did.

After my Dad was diagnosed I called my GP,  because each morning I awoke with tears pouring down my cheeks, who referred me to counselling. It took a couple of weeks to locate one but it did help - having a stranger who just listened. I also called Macmillan for advice on the course of the disease. 

Just be there for him - decent food, a ready ear if he wants to talk, clean clothes, a walking companion, a kiss.

This will be very tough on his Mum too. Perhaps you could ease her load - which in turn will ease your husband's - offer domestic help, cook, take her for walk or a drive so she has a break?

Brain cancer is unpredictable and my advice would be to attempt get everything in place before it is needed. Your husband could speak to his Dad's GP for advice, eg help for mobility, safety, district nurses, macmillan nurses. He might not need it at the moment but it is there in case things change.

Take care of yourself too x

Hi, I have no real advice I just wanted to let you know I'm going through something similar. My mother in law has secondary brain cancer and it's really tough. She doesn't have a partner and my husband is her only son and I often feel like I am absolutely no help. Just getting in the way. He hasn't really said how he feels about anything but I don't force him, I just try to be helpful by doing the little things around the house that he has forgot and giving him space when he needs it. It's really tough as I feel like a spare part. 
 

Try and stay strong. I hope your husband opens up to you soon ️ ️

Dear AnnaK21, 

Thanks so much for your kind reply. It is really helpful to hear it from someone who has been in my husbands position, to help me understand how he must be feeling. I am trying to be there for him. Sometimes he will open up completely out of the blue, and then I try to engage with him and he shuts down again. I have found it better to just listen rather than ask too many questions.

I am trying to make everything as easy as possible for him, so he comes back to a nice tidy house, have dinner ready - although Im not a very good cook! ha ha 
His mum likes to make out that she is tough cookie, and I keep saying she needs to take some time to herself while we look after him. She keeps agreeing but never does it!

Luckily my husband and his mum have been very proactive with seeking help from the GP and someone came yesterday with lots of mobilty aids etc. He also has a nurse coming for the first time today to help on a regular basis which will take the pressure off slightly. His dad is very stubborn so we arent quite sure how willing he is to accept help from someone else!

Anyway, thanks again. Take care xx