My husband is very depressed

I do not know how to reach my husband. During this coronavirus pandemic, he lost a lot of weight suddenly, lost his appetite and it was hurting him when he walked. Eventually after some initial tests, he was told he has Advanced Prostate Cancer. His PSA is 850, which I was told is a very high figure. At the present time, he has to await the results of his biopsy, now that all his other initial tests have been undertaken. This is expected in a few weeks’ time. Meantime is having hormone injections. However, he is so depressed because he is dying, obviously and naturally, and just sits in the armchair all day just watching tv. He is also sad that he will leave me by myself. He does not wake up until the afternoon, showers supper time and does not go out and get any fresh air. The coronavirus lockdown makes matters worse, since we do not drive and have no family and friends living near to us to see. We therefore cannot go out anywhere safely other than to walk half an hour (exercise) around the local streets, which my husband no longer does. He has basically just sat at home for the last 4 months, other than attending hospital visits via an ambulance. I, too, have health problems. I am sheltering because I have CLL, so this makes our situation even more difficult and sad for both of us. He thought he would be ending up looking after me in my demise, but this will no longer be the case. I just do not know how to deal with my husband’s depression, let alone his demise. My husband will not even buy books to read, which he usually likes to do, unless he says “they are short stories”. We obviously are unable to travel, which he likes to do, because of Covid and he just seems to have given up on life. The hospital do not communicate well with us, in many respects, so I feel I must chase them or our surgery up to get information from them. This makes me exhausted and depressed as I fight through lots of bureaucracy. It also affects my mental health. Any advice how I can deal with his depression, as he will not seek help at all. Thank you.

  • Hi dorayme .

    When diagnosed Feb 2016 My PSA was 1581i kept working,metal fabrication and welding firm.     It'd gone from prostate to lymph nodes spine ribs pelvis and a lung ,I went on hormone therapy then chemotherapy, I was classed as incurable now it palative care.

    Had to retire to look after my wife, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and Parkinson's I'm her official carer.

    I keep positive and fighting nomatter what I promised my darling wife id look after her when she got old she's nearly 14years older than me, she wouldn't marry me before the promise that was over 49 years ago were still happy together.

    Remember tell him keep going and positive.

    Take care of yourself remember.

    Billy

  • Hi Billy,

    So sorry about your health and your wife's health problems.  Life can be so unfair.

    I keep fighting but my darling husband does not.  He just sits there looking so sad and often cries, which sets me off.  Sometimes it is just too painful for me to watch him and I have to go into another room and cry.  I think perhaps the hormone therapy could make him also feel low mentally, although not physically, but do not know.  He just cannot bear the thought of us being apart and neither can I, or not going out and about to different places together.  Being under lockdown due to Covid does not help matters.

    He just will not seek help, so I do this for myself to be able to cope, as I almost had a breakdown myself, but he will not listen to what I say and just wants to do nothing.  I just wish I could get through to him, but cannot.  At least I have got him to talk to MacMillan but that is about the advance prostate cancer itself, but not how he feels or is coping with it.

    Look after yourself and the Mrs too.

     

    dorayme x