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Why are people ignoring me/ not getting in touch?

amandaruth
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On Christmas eve 2020 my mum was finally diagnosed with a grade 4 brain tumour after months of feeling unwell.

The last 6 weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions and trips to various hospitals and a biopsy. She is untreatable and is declining fast.

I'm just really struggling with friends and even some family avoiding me, not even sending a message to ask how things are? I'm sure my feelings of anger towards them are part of my grieving, but I feel like i'll never be able to forgive them for not supporting me.

Don't get me wrong, I have many wonderful friends who are supportive, but even my own mother and father in law has avvoided me for the past 6 weeks, until my husband pointed out to them. Their answer was 'Well there's nothing we can do, - wow! 

Is this anyone else's experience? How do I deal with it?

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    This is so sad, and awful behaviour from your in laws, am sorry. I think people just feel uncomfortable as they are not quite sure what to say, but it is so nice when people are just brave enough to say  'sorry you are going through this, here if you need me' thats really all that is needed! 
     

    Sending you a big hug, take care. 

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    Hey, 

    It's a very odd thing and one I couldn't get my head round either. Maybe because we are not ones to act like that. 
     

    I lost my dad 58 nearly 2 years ago, it was the most painful thing for myself and my family and we experienced similar with a few random people. 
     

    I was due to get married, considering my in laws had been in my dads house with him only a month before he died at my baby shower (declined very quickly). Yet not a single word when he passed away, I would expect a card from people so close, but not even a single text with a x or a thinking about you. I was so angry and still am to this day. They never came to the funeral as one of them had to 'work' and when I asked my now husband about not having heard from them he just said, they've asked after you. 
     

    My mum is the kindest person I know, yet she to this day has barely heard a word from people she thought were their closest friends and yet from others who weren't close have been incredible. 

    I'm sorry, but I don't buy people not knowing what to say or how to act, a simple x in a text would show you they were thinking of you. 
     

    I didn't really answer how to deal with it there, I'm still very bitter with the people who did this and will never forgive! Xx

  • Offline in reply to sunshine1987

    I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences and about your Dad. 

    Yes a similar experience here too. I'm trying hard to forgive them as it eats me up inside.

    I read an article recently about how 'We don't do Dying well' and it did give me a bit of incite. I've literally had people on the school run pretending I'm not even there, just to avoid talking to me and yet they were 'Friends' I thought previously.

    Maybe it's something we need to teach our kids in school, I mean lets face it, sooner or later we all die 

     

    Sending love xx

  • Offline

    I was so sorry to read your post; feeling let down by friends and  family.

    sometimes we need to reach out to our friends ynd adk them for help. Corona virus has had an impact on so many people and is responsible for a lot of prople not msling contact. 
    Your family and friends may not want to put you and your mum in a vulnerable position. 

    Call one of your friends and have a chat; maybe you need to tell them how difficult you are finding it all ? 

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