Hey Busby,

Im sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis. The turn around and how fast things can happen is absolutely awful! Cancer is such an unforgiving disease. 
I can relate to what your saying about grieving for someone who is still here. I too am having a really hard time coping with the news of a terminal diagnosis of a loved one. I have spoken to numerous people on this board who have been lovely and really understanding. I also found speaking to Macmillan has really helped me. You can be feeling grief before a passing, it's all part of the process. It's so hard and I really send you and your husband love. Know that what your feeling is normal and you are not alone x

Hi I'm so sorry about your husband dignoses. Thank you for your reply it's comforting to know I'm not alone and my feelings of advanced grieving is normal.I have been so ashamed to tell anyone how I am feeling. My feelings and emotions are all over the place. I feel different emotions from day to day sometimes hour to hour, which is very hard to cope with mentally as I suffer from bipolar and anxiety disorder.Thankyou again for your reply take care x

Hi Marie

Im so pleased to here your news and hope this new cycle goes well for Ian. Not much to moan about, it has been harder than the first cycle but Im ok and looking forward to Tuesday, as I get a week without drugs.

Thanks for the update and we will be thinking of you both.

All the best

Mark & Allison

Hi Mark 

              Thankyou for your reply. Hope you feeling abit better.

Ian had he's first chemo on Friday long day for him 8 hours. He was ok when he got home apart from been very tired.

He has been ok no nausea hiccups abit but mostly it's the shaking this time. He has still got an appiete which is good. So we keeping our fingers crossed that he doesn't have bad side effects like last time as he's chemo drugs have been reduced.

He's weight is staying the same which is good.When he first got diagnosed he was 10 kgs lighter.

I hope you enjoy your free week from Tuesday. You both take care and thank You again for staying in touch  

Marie and Ian 

Hi Marie

I hope Ian's doing ok and the chemo is not causing him any undue problems.

So I got a good news, they told me that everying was going really well, so they were going to increase my meds by 20%. Somthing they said they probably wouldn't do, then told me, I was having 4 cycles over 3 month's and so I had been mistaken it was 3 cycles. That was ok, I looked at my letter and it does say 3 months, as you know so much information, you can get confused. The down side is it means, it will be end of June not mid May before I can see my mother. 

Then on Tuesday morning I heard my mum was in hospital, having had a heart attack, followed by a call a couple of hours later from the hospital, telling me my bloods weren't upto chemo, so not to attend Wednesday and I have to wait a week. So feeling a little delated but have to stay positive as they are the experts and will get my treatment right but another week before I can get out.

Anyway hopefully Ian has been ok on this cycle, which should be ending shortly and he has a good week off before the next.

all the best

Mark & Allison

Hi

Hope things are improving for you both and having had you daughter visit, will have helped.

Stay positve, all the best

Mark

Hi 

I am sorry for the late reply

Its been awful past couple of weeks so Ian's 3rd cycle has been postponed twice now

He's just been far to poorly it's been nausea and being sick also dizziness.  They told him to stop the chemo tablets. He is on the 4th different antisickness tablets also they have give him a course of steroids then hopefully he will be fit for Friday.

I hope you are doing ok ?

I'm really sorry about your poor mam hope she's ok and you have been able to see her.

You both take care 

Hi Marie

Mum is home and doing much better, a change of medicines has helped.

My Neutraphils were finally good enough, so started 3rd cycle, Tuesday.

I hope things start to improve for Ian, it's so hard when you are hoping to get the cycle started and it feels like your body is working against you.

all the best to you both and hope things approve.

Mark

Hi Mark 

I'm pleased that your mam is ok 

Good luck for your 3rd cycle.

Ian hasn't been well even though he hasn't had chemo for over 2 weeks he is still been sick can't keep anything down.

Gp has changed he's antisickness meds a few times now.

Tonight they have fitted a driver hopefully this should stop the sickness. Hopefully he will be fit enough for this Friday booked in again for 3rd cycle depending on bloods Thursday.

It is awful seeing him like this it's hearbreaking I feel like everything has stopped for us .

It's a strange thing but I just keep seeing us the way our life was our kids growing up everything we have done our wedding the best day of my life .

He was a different man I know he's not but it's so difficult to see the man I married .

I'm really struggling so lonely I don't see my kids because of covid and shielding they don't really phone much they have they own stuff going on.

I am really gratefull that I can talk to you and Allison 

Thankyou take care x

Hi Mark

How are things going for you ?

We still on the rollercoaster of getting Ian's sickness meds sorted 

He coudnt have the 3rd cycle he just wasn't strong enough

So the plan is now to get Ian built up and stronger before they can over him any other treatment 

It's really difficult because he had the sickness means he can't eat so then he's not getting stronger 

I'm so so worried 

Take care 

Marie x

Hi Marie

I'm sorry for the delay, I'm sorry to here your news, I really feel for Ian and you. My fourth cycle has not gone to well either, it has been the hardest, with all the side affects worse than before but I have now finished it and hvae to wait for a scan. I can imagine how you must be feeling, it was horrible both times when they said my bloods were not good enough to start my 3rd cycle. I hope things are getting better for you and Ian's strength is improving.

thinking of you both

Mark

Hi Mark 

I have some bad news Ian passed last Thursday 

I am devasted and heart broken there's no purpose to my life now 

I'm sorry that you are struggling with side effects 

I hope the scan shows good news  

Just please try to stay strong you need to keep eating and drinking  regular 

Take care 

Marie x

Hi Mark 

I have some bad news Ian passed last Thursday 

I am devasted and heart broken there's no purpose to my life now 

I'm sorry that you are struggling with side effects 

I hope the scan shows good news  

Just please try to stay strong you need to keep eating and drinking  regular 

Take care 

Marie x

Hi Marie

Such sad news, I hope you can be with your family at this time, I have no words that will be of comfort to you, even knowing that Ian's pain has now stopped, is not really any good at this time.

My condolences and hope that in time your pain will ease. When we first spoke of your situation I said that was my worry, leaving my wife behind. We will be thinking of you 

Mark & Allison

Thank You Mark for your words of comfort 

I really want to thankyou for your support through our journey 

You stay strong and look after each other you will beat this 

Even though I won't be posting on here please keep in touch let me know how you getting on 

Take care 

Marie x

Marie

I've not been online for months and was on tonight and saw your sad sad news

Big hugs to you and your family    You supported Ian wonderfully til the end as far as I can read.  

Take care of yourself xxxx

Thank you so much for your condolences 

So kind of you to reply 

I hope you are doing ok 

Take care 

Marie xxx

Hi Marie

I still not sure what to say, I hope your family have been supportive and with the lock down restrictions gone, you are not alone. I thought I would let you know that things are looking good for me, which I find hard to tell you but talking to you helped and I thought you should know.

We are both thinking of you

Mark & Allison