What happens if a loved one refuses treatment?

My husband was diagnosed with kidney cancer 3 years ago at the age of 48: he had his left kidney and a brain met removed, he also had brain hemorrhage due to the brain tumour which left him partially paralyzed down the right side of his body. He didn't have any other treatment other than surgery and has done regularly scans since then. The latest scan showed growth in a small tumour in his lungs (from 5mm to 10mm in 6 months) and an abnormal lymph node. The doctor (whom he hadn't seen before, and who didn't inspire much faith as kept disappearing out of the room without explanation) said they'd decided on radiotherapy as a treatment. My husband hates doctors and scans and everything connected to the hospital. He gets very depressed and stressed, as lots of people do, whenever he has check ups and scans and basically said that he doesn't want to do radiotherapy. During the visit we asked about alternatives - at which point the doctor disappeared again, but returned eventually to suggest immunotherapy but my husband isn't keen on having any traditional treatment (and the doctor also gave a long list of associated side effects). He feels that whatever time he has left, he would rather not spend it going to see doctors etc. I'm finding it hard to cope as, if I were in situation, I would do the radiotherapy, but I know the decision is his. I'm also unsure as to what this means healthwise for him, or how quickly the disease will progress - I suppose there's no clear answer to that. Does anyone have a similar experience?

  • Hello and welcome to our friendly helpful forum.  Although my husband has incurable lung and liver cancer and is 75 next month he has grabbed every treatment offered.  At the moment he is on immunotherapy for two hours every 21 days, he has had few side effects and those that he has had he has put up with so he can see his grandchildren grow up.  They always exaggerate the side effects because they have to, its like when you have an operation and they say "you could die under the anaesthetic".  He had radiotherapy and he coped with that as well.  But, you can't force anyone to do what they don't want to.  Perhaps others will come on with their experiences and you can discuss it better with him.  I wish you all the best, Carol x 

  • Thank you for replying, Carol. We have two children, 11 and 14 years old. If the choice was mine I would do the radiotherapy without hesitation, but, as you say, I can't force him, and if he really strongly believes that he'd be better off without it I'm not sure what to think. It didn't help that the doctor we saw said it would come back anyway after radiotherapy which kind of means you lose hope before you've even started! I totally agree that the doctors always have to give you the worse case scenario.  We're seeing another oncologist tomorrow so will see what they say. Wishing you and your husband all the best. Rachelx

  • Hi Rachel, please let us know how it goes.  Some doctors have no bedside manner, it's unpleasant and upsetting when they don't consider how traumatic it all is. Carol x