Hi, first time here, just need to get this out I guess. 

So, mum is 77, and 3 months ago was doing everything, just as she's done all her life. Not on a single medication, no walking aids, nothing. Dad, 79, had hip op cancelled in March and hardly able to walk. Angry man even when he's 'happy'. Me, working single mum to 5 yr old, only child.

3 months ago we noticed all was not ok with mum. 5 weeks in hospital, detained of liberty, mentally incapable...2 large brain tumours either side. Terminal.

So, from the moment mum went into hospital, I have been expected (and have done) pretty much everything for dad. To the point of doing the DNR, all hospital phonecalls, even doing the one visit dad was allowed to hospital because he couldn't face it. They thought she wasn't going to make it home at that point. 

I dealt with the care package (4x a day plus night visits) the medical equipment, the medicines, the bed, the commode.....down to the incontinence pads etc. 

I do all the shopping, put it all away, cook lunch for dad, clear the house out when mums asleep (she was a hoarder) I top up dad's phone, order and collect his medicines, pay his bills, get him things to make his life a little easier (crutches, answer machines)....I even do his bloomin lottery for him. I could go on but you get the picture... I get yelled at every day I go, which was every other day. I've been yelled at for running out of wipes. For carers not feeding mum the right way. For trying to finish a sentence. For buying him a pasty. He doesn't like pasties. He called my daughter useless to her face. she's 5!!

I do this to help. I've taken 3 months off work. I still have a young child. I still have my own house to clean, food to buy pets to feed etc etc etc... And I have a mum dying in front of me. 

And on Sunday for no reason that I could determine, I was visciously yelled at that I don't care about anyone other than myself, I spend only 5 hours a week there, (I don't, and they live an hour away) I'm a liar, I have always put myself 1st, my marriage break down upset THEM ( me and ex are totally fine) I had crutches thrust at me, I blame everything on my child, and...and this is what got me most...if I asked my mum she would say the same, I'm a selfish liar who only thinks of her own life. Then got told to P off and not come back. 

So that's where we are. I am literally at the end of what I can take as a human being. I am unable to visit mum. She has literally weeks, Bedbound, semi conscious, unable to communicate. My child can't see her grandma and I don't know how to explain it. The care team are worried about dads ability to cope. As am I. But there's only so much I could take, so much I could do. 

I realise this is very long, I've tried to just post the core parts, but I really needed to at least write this down to get some of it out of my head. I may sleep, you never know :-/