Hello Sugarplm, 

I am so sorry to hear about your boyfriend's mum. It does sound like the news has had a very deep effect on your boyfriend and that he is trying to deal with the shock of it all by being on his own and keeping away from those he loves the most. Perhaps he doesn't want you to see him in a frail state; it is really hard to know the reasons really unless he himself is willing to talk about them. So there isn't really much you can do other than show him that you are there for him even if it has to be from a distance. Sometimes little gestures can go a long way and the most important thing is that you keep communicating well with him. It's really hard for anyone really to tell you how long you should give him or what to do in these difficult circumstances as only you know what your boyfriend is like and how best to interact with him. I think you are doing the right thing in giving him space and it's good that you two are still in touch and texting so that you can make sure this way that he knows you are there for him. It's important though that you look after your own wellbeing too and that you make sure this is not making you feel more depressed or anxious. If it does, then it's important that you focus on yourself too and maybe speak to your GP about how you are feeling at the moment.

I hope that things get better for you and your boyfriend soon. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thank you so much for replying.

He has asked me not to text too much so I tend to wait for him to initiate the conversation. I go back home to feed our cats and do his washing etc so he has not got to think about that. But i am staying at my parents house so he can be by himself with his emotions without worrying if i will see him crumble.

I just wish he would let me in as I dont like him being by himself but know that because he has asked of this he must really need it. I don't know if I should text him to see how his day is or anything as im worried it will push him further away.

I am having to get in touch with my GP as my mental health is extremely bad as he has always been my rock and my support and at the moment he is not here and i cant support or help him. I do not know if i should still be messaging his family to see how they are especially his mum but I am concerned this may cause my boyfriend more stress.

He has his brothers who i hope he can talk to.