Hi Starae,

Gosh, you must be shattered. This is such a physically and mentally draining time for you and, you need to have better quality time with your Mum. Follow the advice you've been given here. Have a word with your Mum's Care team in the hospital, but also with her GP.

There are various cancer organisations that can help you out. You could also be put in touch with a social worker who can arrange for the care that you need. I have sadly cared for a number of close family members when they were terminally ill. I eventually had to seek help and found our social worker invaluable. Our GP arranged for her to visit. .

She arrived to see us on a Friday afternoon and, before she left that day, she had arranged to get a hospital bed delivered, along with various aids for the following Monday. She had also arranged for carers to come in and see to my relative's personal needs four times a day. She arranged for  a dietician to visit and arranged for build up drinks and foods. She also persuaded their GP, who 'didn't do house calls', to come and visit my parent's in law. From then on, we got regular home visits from the GP and the district nurse.

In my mother's case, we went through the hospital who brought hospice staff to see us in the hospital. At that time I was living in a different country and travelling to see my Mum every weekend, whilst working full-time and looking after two young children. She was admitted to the hospice a few days later.

My father-in-law was diagnosed with extensive terminal cancer last year and, sadly died five days after diagnosis. I discussed moving him to a hospice too. Initially hospital staff felt that he was too ill to move, but they eventually decided that they would move him on the fourth day. It was such a change from the hospital environment and he sadly passed the following day. Despite being there for such a short while, we were glad that we moved him, because there was such an improvement in his surroundings and care for his final hours and, he really appreciated this.

There are also a number of support groups and charities for families of cancer patients. Lorraine has mentioned Maggie's. There is also the Haven and various Carer's support groups. Bothe hospital staff and your Mum's GP should have local contact detais. These are useful for emotional help and practical guidance, although you may find it difficult to attend such organisations when you are so busy caring for your Mum as well as your own family.

I do hope that you manage to get something sorted soon. Please let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx