Today has been a tough day. Stu my best mate was diagnosed with Stage IV Bowel Cancer (Liver, Lung mets) 5.5 years ago. He's never found love and has no partner. I am caring for him. He's had 73 chemos, 4 surgeries, 2 stents and is palliative. Currently having last line chemo and has developed jaundice for the second time. He's so weak, no energy. All I can do is listen and be there but I'm struggling to hold back my emotions. I'm basically living with him currently 140 miles away from home and my own support network. I feel so guilty struggling with my own emotions when it's his pain not mine. I feel like I'm anticipatory mourning today and I feel alone. He's only 44 years old and it doesn't feel fair. I'm so angry that this is happening to my mild mannered gentle friend who has never hurt a soul in his life. And COVID doesn't help because the pleasurable things we can do from his bucket list are so few and far between. He's fought for so long to stay alive and now his jaundice is really taking its toll. I think I just wanted to shout out to the universe that it's a bad day and I feel sad, angry and alone