Terminally ill dad refusing care

Hi everyone

 

This is the first time I've ever posted to a forum but myself and my siblings do not know where to turn.

 

My Dad, who is only 57, was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer on May 20th this year. It had spread and we were told it was terminal but he can try treatment to try and extend his life. In July he had chemo, which he had an extreme reaction to and was hospitalised. He discharged himself against medical advice after 6 days. Since then, it seems like he is deteriorating daily. He had imunotherapy last week but we get the impression it is now too late.

Throughout, my Dad has refused any care from either his GP or our local hospice, apart from the odd phone call.

 

Myself, my brother and my sister take it in turns to visit him everyday to do anything he needs doing. He is in a very bad way, he cant actually get up. We feel he needs medical care but refuses. 

I am 5 and a half months pregnant, my sister has a 3 year old and a 5 month old and my brother works full time so we are really really struggling. Not just with keeping up with demands but with seeing him look so unwell and having to care for him. He has no other family apart from us 3, and only a few friends who he refuses to speak to.

He is an extremely stubborn man, he has become very snappy and it is far too difficult to have any serious conversations with him.

We have spoken to his GP, the hospital and the hospice and they are unable to provide care without his permission.

 

This is a very short version of a very long story but I would really like to know if anybody has any advice. I'd really appreciate it.

  • Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... it sounds like he's just given up totally ... but you and your siblings can't do this every day with being pregnant and your sister with two little ones ... I'm really stumped ... what a sad sad situation... but somehow he has to let others help him .. it's really not fare on you all... it's sort of emotional blackmail... he will have no choice soon if he gets worse ... you risk the baby if you have to lift him .. 

    One thing I would say is, it is his right not to want treatment ... maybe if you all support him in that , he may talk to the medical team ... 

    Maybe phone Marie Currie helpline ... as they are there for terminal illness and their families.... they have a lot of experience... maybe they could talk to him or advise you what to do ... but something or someone's got to give ... hospices are wonderful kind caring places ... where they could care for your dad, and you'd all get quality time with him ... give them a call ... fingers crossed and sending you all a vertual hug.... let us know how you go .... Chrissie x

  • Hi 

    I have just been looking on the internet for any help because I'm in the exact same situation with my dad but I have no siblings to help and I can't go and visit every day. I feel really guilty for not doing more but I can't! Did you manage to receive any help? And any advice noe you're two/three years down the line? 
     

    thanks! X