I always thought there was more good than bad in the world. I always tried to have hope and try and feel lucky for everything I had. Obviously I had my days and moments but on the whole I have always been excited for the future. Every since my mums diagnosis I’m scared and feel like it’s just a darkness ahead. I feel like the bad is overwhelming and I’m struggling to see hope and positivity. I’m trying hard to not be so gloomy and even ungrateful but I’m so sad. And In those moments that I let the sadness creep in, it takes over and I see no light, no happy ending. This wasn’t suppose to be the way my life went. My families lives. I’m so full of anger and I can’t comprehend how this is happening. The worries I have now, never even entered my mind before. I don’t understand how everyone else’s life is still 'normal' and mine has been flipped upside down. How has this happened? Why? It’s so frustrating because they’re no answers and I need answers more than ever right now. I am so lucky, I know that but the pain is so strong. I just want our lives back, I want us to not be in fear. I want my mum to grow old and watch me and my sister grow into the women she has raised us to be. Watch us have families of our own and be the best nan because that is what she was born to do. I’m scared she won’t be here and I’ll have a question that only she can answer. I can’t think straight! I want it to go away. 
 

I am having a bad day today. Just keep reminding myself Not all days are this bad. Sending love and hope to everyone.