Hello Jode123, 

I just wanted to welcome you to our friendly forum. I am so sorry to hear about your mum's diagnosis. It is normal to feel sad and to feel that you have so many questions that are left unanswered, that your life has been turned upside down. These are feelings that many on our forum will relate to and I hope you will hear from others here and that they will share their own personal stories with you so you feel a little less alone with all this. 

You are absolutely right to be reminding yourself that not all days will be bad, that there will be brighter days ahead despite everything you are going through at the moment. We're all here for you if you ever need to reach out, or if you feel you are having a difficult day.

Best wishes to you and your mum, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Jode123,

How are you doing today? And how is your mum doing?

I have bad days like this too. My mum has metastatic breast cancer and the uncertainty of how long we have left is awful. It's such a rollercoaster and it can feel really lonely at times.

I hope you see my message and find the time to reply. I'd like to know that you're okay and have had some at least slightly better days since writing this.

Hope to hear from you soon and take care of yourself. You are doing amazing. 

Emily x  

Hi Emily,

thank you for your reply, very kind. Sorry to hear you're going through the same. 
 

I am feeling better today but my mum is so depressed and barely gets up from the sofa. I'm working again now so my sister is having to do everything round the house until she is back at uni in sept and I feel bad for her. Mum is supposed to be going on anti depressants, I have never seen her so down so it's a bit shocking but I can completely get why she is! Just want her to be her old self. 
 

how are you copying? Is your mum's a recent diagnosis? How did your mum cope at first? (Sorry for 20 questions lol)

thank you Emily xx

Thank you Lucie! Much appreciated x

Good morning! 

Great news to hear that you're feeling better. How old are you and your sister? I'm 26 and my younger sister is 17. It is understandable that your mum is feeling this way but her depression will massively affect you too. 

My mum was diagnosed just as lockdown was announced back in March. So the diagnosis is still relatively recent. She wasn't coping very well at first and it was so difficult. She was constantly angry and often taking it out on me. Things are improving slightly but there are still very dark days. How about you? Is it a recent diagnosis? 

I have taken up some counselling sessions with our local hospice and I think that might really benefit you too! Ps please ask as many questions as you wish! It's nice to know that you're not in this alone. 

Hope you have a good day today :) speak soon!! xxx 

Hi Emily,

how are you doing? 

God so very newly diagnosed! 

Oh we are very similar. I'm 25, my sister is 21. My mum was diagnosed end of Nov'19 after a month of thinking she had the all clear from breast cancer. I didn't find out until end of Jan as I was travelling and she didn't want to ruin my trip. 
 

I did try counselling with the hospice just before lockdown but maybe I wasn't ready. I did however have a free massage they offered lol. 
 

how is your sister copying? Always here if you need a chat! 
 

xx

Hi Emily and Jode,

Im so sorry to hear about your mums, cancer really does suck. I really wanted to reach out andmessage as I can relate to you both. 
 

I'm 30, my sister is older and has stage 4 MBC and I am feeling the same way. im living with a lot of sadness, anger and guilt. 
 

if you want to connect I'm happy to talk and keep each other updated on what's going on, just have an open space for us to talk. 
 

speak soon,

lydia 

Hi Jode, Emily and Lydia,

I am so sorry to hear what all 3 of you are going through at the moment. I lost my mum 22 years ago to secondary breast cancer and, have had 2 bouts of breast cancer myself within the past 11 years. You are all starting out on a difficult journey, which is absolutely heart breaking and, you will need to be strong to help your loved ones through this.

Mum had primary breast cancer for 12 years before it moved to her liver, lungs, bone and brain. Treatments have improved spectacularly since then and, are still improving. It is natural to feel angry at this diagnosis and, depression can become an integral part of the diagnosis. It does become overwhelmingly sad and gloomy, but please try to make life as comfortable as you can for your mums and sister. Try to build memories that will leave you all with happier memories of your loved ones.

I am always here if I can be of any help to you, as I have lost a number of family and friends to this terrible disease. Please keep in touch. I am glad that you are all going through this at the same time, as you will find it helpful to have people to chat to who really understand what you are going through. I hope that you all have family or friends who can support you through this terrible time too.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Lydia,

ah I'm sorry to hear about your sister! Couldn't imagine that. 
 

I would love to keep in touch and keep each other updated! 
 

if you are ever really feeling it send a message. I don't know if you can private message on this but feel free too! 
 

how are you today?
 

Also a great support system on Facebook is 'secondary breast cancer support group' amazing people with different cancers - discuss treatment, support and their stories. 

xx

Hi Jolamine,

I hope you are ok. It is really great to hear your mum managed to have 12 years, it's a bit of bright hope to hear to be honest with you. 
 

My mum is very depressed at the moment. She has just started anti depressants as per the doctor but she just isn't herself. We are all trying but she doesn't want to hear it. Hopefully things will get back to a bit of normality if the anti depressants start to help. This covid really isn't helping anyone though! 
 

thank you for your kind words and for sharing yours and your mums story! 
 

xx