Hi everyone!

Things are getting slightly difficult again, for me personally, and I remember reading your post and not feeling completely alone with it all! 

I hope you're all doing ok. It's been so nice to see the kind messages and messages of support from everyone. 

I hope you and your mum are okay Jode xxxxxxx 

Hi Lydia, 

I am so sorry for the amount of time it's taken me to reply to you. Your message was really kind and I hope you're ok. I completely understand how you're feeling - sadness, anger, guilt, anxiety... the list never ever ends. 

How are things for you at the moment? 

Emily xx

Hi Emily,

What is happening? Here to help and offer any advice. Or just listen! 
 

Unfortunatley I lost my beautiful Mum on her 57th birthday, Dec 5th. Things are hard and every day is a new emotion or memory. I am due to have my first baby tomorrow (doubt she will come then though lol) and I'm heart broken my Mum missed her by a few months. All she wanted was grandkids and I couldn't quite give it to her. I hope she is at peace and I see her in my dreams but wish she was with me. 
 

also some Instagram pages I find helpful or just relevant to how I feel - @thegriefgang -  @spokengrief  (I know you haven't lost your mum but they can have some relevant things on there) 

if you google 'life death whatever' people share their experiences of all sorts, death, loved ones with terminal illness. Mine and my sisters have written a little something also and they are on there. Might be therapeutic for you. There are stories on secondary breast cancer as well 
 

Sending you love 

Jodie xx

Hi Jodie,

I am so so so sorry for your devastating loss. And at such an exciting time for you with your baby girl on her way. How is your younger sister? 

Mum is deteriorating - the cancer is now in her brain and so it's becoming quite difficult with her memory and confusion all the time. 

May I ask how your mum was towards the end? One day I'm thinking that my mum has got all of this time ahead of her and then the next I'm trying to brace myself for the worst. 

It must have been so difficult for you - especially with all of the covid restrictions too. 

I will be thinking of you. Good luck with the baby - she is extremely lucky to have such a brave, caring and strong mother. 

Emily xxx

Ah Emily, I'm really upset you have to go through this. My Mum's spread to her bone marrow, which apparently is extremely rare and can't be treated. F*ck cancer!!!!!!!

ive read a few peoples stories about it spreading to the brain and treatment working for them and I pray they can stablise It with treatment for your Mum!

I don't want to scare you or worry you about the end but I also don't want you to go in blind. Mum Struggled a lot. She needed oxygen, so we had that at home which did help. She was very quiet and low energy. We planned her funeral with her which was really hard, had lots of conversations and videod her a lot, you don't want to forget her voice or her saying your name! She deteriorated quickly but the last time she went into hospital I was still naive in thinking she would come home. The doctors also gave us 3 weeks at the end so we knew it was coming (not sure if that's a positive if not). We were soooo lucky that the hospital snuck myself and sister in for the last 3 days of my Mums life. We stayed all day and night with her. She was so weak and I'm crying now thinking of what she had to go through. I prayed for her to find peace in the end. We got to say goodbye and she knew how Much we loved her.

I would say get a book that is full of questions you can ask your mum about her life. They have special made ones if you google it. This way you have her life written down and can ask questions you might not of thought to ask. This will be helpful for what I pray will be very very distant future for you and your family. But I can't stress enough get videos of her! If she can get her to write you girls a little note. Just something you can treasure. 
 

I am so so sorry if this message is negative or overwhelming. You stay positive and keep on those doctors because I know they like to delay sometimes! My family is praying for Yours! 
 

please stay in contact and I'm here for anything you need. 
 

jodie xxxxx

Jodie your message was not negative or overwhelming at all. Thank you so much. It's really been a struggle with not knowing what to expect. My mum tends to sleep a lot these days and she needs full time care. 

I am so sorry for everything you've been through.

To still be so supportive of other people after all you've had to face this year is absolutely inspirational. You look after yourselves and I wish you all the best with your baby girl!!! I will keep in touch and you do the same xxxxxxx 

Hi Emily, 

been thinking of you. Just wanted to check in and see how things are. You doing ok? 
 

lots of love 

Jodie xoxo

Hi Lydia,

How are things? Hope you are ok and thinking of you and your sister xxx

Hiya Jodie,

So sorry for the late response. I just thought I'd let you know that my beautiful mum sadly passed away on Mother's Day with all of her family by her side.
Although I knew it was going to happen at some point, it completely shocked me. One minute she was so lucid and then the next just deteriorated so quickly.
 

I hope you're doing okay. And I hope everything is going well with your baby! 
 

Hope to hear from you soon 

Emily xxx