Hello LAM72 

Welcome to the forum although I'm sorry to hear about your husbands diagnosis and recent treatment. 

We have quite a few members here on the forum who have had surgery and/or radiotherapy for head and neck cancers and I think most of them have said at one point or another how tough the treatment regime can be. It's also worth noting that radiotherapy side effects can continue for quite a few weeks after treatment stops. 

There are 3 members who have all written blogs about their journeys and you might find it helpful to have a look at those. If your partner is quite withdrawn these shared patient experiences might give you a little insight into what they're dealing with. If you use the forum search function to look for [@crofterlad]‍ , [@Taff123]‍ and [@RadioactiveRaz]‍ you will find lots of posts and the links I mentioned earlier. 

If you'd like to speak to one of our nurses for some advice nad support then please do give them a call. They are available on 0808 800 4040, Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm. 

I hope this helps. 
Best wishes, 
Jenn
Cancer Chat moderator

Hello Hazel, 

Thank you so much for replying, I hope all is well with you now? 35 rounds of treatment? I honestly don't know how you and others do it and still manage to stay so helpful and positive. I don't mind admitting that I've went into this incredibly naive, first mistake was believing RT was a milder form of treatment (NO WAY IT IS) and the biggest shock has been the recovery rate. My partner doesn't want to read blogs and due to Covid I was unable to attend any of the hospital appointments with him. I think if I'd been there with him or I would have probed the consultants and dieticians more - perhaps been better prepared. 
 

Thanks for sending me the link to your blog. I had a read through the other night and took away some great tips (ideas for meals and xylimelts). He tried Weetabix and mashed potato and gravy - both went down but slowly and painfully. It's very much 2 steps forward and one back at the moment. I know he'll regain his weight in time but it's difficult at times to keep his mood positive, that's what concerns me most. 
 

Thank you again, I appreciate you taking the time to contact me. 
 

L x 

Hi 

thank you for kind comments I did the blog as it was for a long time the only thing I could control in a uncontrollable situation. Get him to try a Luke  warm drink whilst eating it’s nit ideal but it helps the food go down and better than cold water. Unfortunately men seem to avoid any knowledge he’s not on his own the majority seem to bury head in the sand but they do come out of it. All,of a sudden the light at the end of the tunnel will shine you may not think it. I do know a few guys who have gone on anti depressants their wife’s have had to push them gently to do it. Do you have a Macmillann or cancer nurse ? Give them a call they are a  ine ful of information use them 

yes the radiotherapy is brutal it’s much better than it used to be it’s extremely targeted now but the margins still encroach onto healthy tissue .it was a case of do or die so I did it.  There is an excellent article by Dr Peter Harvey  Aftr  treatment - what happens next give it a read it’s online and may help u understand . I am nearly 2 year since in and getting there, the annoying thing is we get/told the magic 2 weeks it’s isn’t I tell my oncologist every time that’s the biggest complaint I get via my blog. If I can help just shout . 

Food wise I found poached egg in toast a easy thing to get,down many people think toast no way .but plenty of butter and poached egg  high calories give it a try Hazel,x

Hi Lam,

I read your post this morning & I totally understand where you are coming from. 
we are in week 5 & yes I understand that it is really early days & how much they have gone through. We have now been told he will be having an operation in the next few weeks to try & remove the last bit. 
 

my husband has really changed & only this morning I have wondered if he is suffering from depression, he's low, he takes it out on me all the time, he snaps at the kids he tells us to shut up when we are laughing & we all feel incredible sad by it all. We are all trying to do our best for him but whatever we do isn't good enough. I'm at a lost to be honest, every morning I get up & think 'come on we can all do this' by the end of the day we are beaten down. 
 

I know it isn't about us but it is in someways 

I will have a read of the suggested blogs 

Take care Lam