This thread helped me so much before the actual event. To be fair, my wife isn't being nasty, but she has had a couple of "moments", and those who said, just remove yourself from the situation and let them be, are spot on. I nipped out for 30 mins - 1 hour and upon my return she was completely and utterly fine. Had i stood there and went toe to toe or even showed her rant was irking me, it would have lasted hours on end, and even through to the next day.

Saying that, cancer or not, it doesn't give anyone carte blanche to do or say what the hell they want if they are in full control of all their faculties. Abuse is abuse, no matter what the abuser is living through. The fact is, if someone is being nice to others or singing your praises in front of others, they are fully aware of their awful behaviour.

My partner has turned on me so many times it's soul destroying I am mourning a man & relationship whilst he's still here , my hairs coming out in chunks & his family just don't realise the extent of the abuse x

Thank you, I will have a think about everything. 
xxx

How are you doing now? Thanks for sharing here this post is a lifeline.

I hear all that you are saying and now he's gone I'm floundering and have my own diagnosis ok not as serious hopefully early endometrial cancer x

Still processing his strangeness 4 months on from his death , the really sad part is his family did nothing to help yet chose to be extremely unkind and just took over the last few days . Now I've got early stage Endometrial cancer but I'm positive x

Thanks for responding, I'm so sorry to hear of your own diagnosis, such impossible situations, we can all just do the best we can day to day and just let it all go when we can't. Stay positive and surround yourself with only positive loving people who can heal you mentally and physically, wishing you all the best x

Xxx

So I have been very happily married for 7 years and we have a gorgeous 5 year old little boy. My husband was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma last October, been through 5 rounds of chemo and had a stem cell transplant in June. During the treatment his moods were a little off but nothing major as we knew it was a side effect. Whilst this cancer is considered terminal as there is no cure, it is now controlled for the time being (hopefully a long time).

in the last few weeks his mood has changed and he has become really nasty with his words and I know I shouldn't, but if I eventually bite back, he takes it up a whole new level by not speaking to me for a week or yesterday he said our relationship is done and he wants to move out.  This has absolutely destroyed me as I love him dearly and can't even think what to say to our little boy as he is besotted with daddy. 
 

He started a maintenance chemo drug a month ago (Lenalidomide) which is a new drug supposed to be very effective at keeping his cancer under control. I don't know if these meds have caused it but there is no alternative as  the main thing is to do everything to keep it at bay. 
 

in addition, I think mentally he had hoped to have normality of some sort back by now but he still suffers back pain and his hospital appointments are relentless so he's not seeing light at the end of the tunnel. 
 

I didn't lose him to cancer and I don't want to lose him now, I'm really struggling .

Thank you, thank you, thank you!

I've been pulling my hair out today and then I found this thread.

I'm so pleased I am not alone! I'm living on eggshells and it's completely exhausting!

Also the comments re: Dexamethasone..... Revelation! Could 100% be adding to the issue.

I know it's not about me and I know he's going through worse, but honestly, is there any need to be so nasty to the ones that love and care for you? I'm crying myself to sleep because nothing I do is good enough or appreciated. Feels like he actually looks for things to have a go at me about some days.

I don't need big declarations of thanks, we're married, we made vows, but I certainly do not need to have it thrown back at me.

Some days I swear he's literally asking for a fight and goading me into one.

How on earth do we get through it? 

Hi Keh 79,

Sad to hear of your plight. I have Multiple Myeloma and in the early days (2016) when on Dex, I tended to get loud and was constantly getting emotional, crying and apologising. I made a point though of asking people to take note of any changes in character or behaviour and luckily, none occurred.

I also made known my gratitude to all those who care for me, my wife first and foremost, without whom, I'd be dead.

Your husband should not still be in pain. Could I suggest a review of his meds with his GP or possibly a consultation with palliative care. Presently, I'm on 100mg MST Continus, twice a day and have no pain. I have no worries about becoming addicted to morphine, though I know some people do.

As for Dex, there is the alternative and milder Prednisolone which I've always been prescribed since the first few goes of Dex. I get no Prednisolone crash.

Two things then that might go some way to alleviate your problem though to my mind, there's no excuse for treating you badly.

Best Regards

Taff

Hi, me too oo every day walki on egg shells. 
my husband is so nasty and bullying me. 
He hits himself xx at my wits ends now!

Hi, me too oo every day walki on egg shells. 
my husband is so nasty and bullying me. 
He hits himself xx at my wits ends now!

Hi Bconner,

A very warm welcome to our forum.

I am so sorry to hear that you are at the receiving end of this type of behaviour. Unfortunately, it is not unusual for people who have had a cancer diagnoss to have a complete change of personality. There are several reasons for this and you might find it helpful to discuss these with a counsellor. Sometimes discussing this with a stranger, who has experience of this type of behaviour can be very useful. They can also suggest some coping strategies.

Many charities offer a counselling service. There are some larger charities scattered throughout the country and smaller, local charities, with a variety of names. Ask at your local GP practice, Citizen's Advice Bureau or Library. These services are free of charge and can help you to understand why this is happening. If your husband is hitting himself too, do you think that he is in pain? If so, perhaps he needs to have his pain medicines adjusted. Living with constant pain can impact on how one behaves.

Can I ask what stage your husband's cancer is at and do you have anyone to support you?

Please keep in touch and let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx