How do i emotionally support my dad who has cancer

I am not really sure how to start or what to write. It seems almost silly to be seeking out advice when i'm not the one who even has cancer. I am in my twenties and my dad was diagnosed with Oesophageal cancer at the start of Febuary. In march we were told that it has also spread to his spine. He has done a round of chemo and radiotherpy, and is on a break before another round of radiotherapy starts on his secondary cancer. At the moment its good days and bad days with him. On his good days we get a glimer of my old dad back... holding a conversation, maybe cracking a joke, and sitting outside with us. On his bad days though he's in a lot of pain, feeling unwell, and is really emotional. I find it hard to know what to say to him. His life is currently consumed by cancer so every other topic doesnt seem relevant. I dont want to constantly remind him of how he's feeling and his cancer by talking to him about it but then i dont want to just sit and pretend like he's not going through what he is. I was talking to him the other day about how he was feeling and he started to cry and walked out of the room. I felt so guilty. Even though my mum told me he got upset because he cant hide how much pain hes in now. I would do anything to make him feel better or comforted but i just dont know what the right thing to say or do is. 

  • HI LOUHO4,

    In semptember 2016,i had operation for breast cancer,and nodes removed.

    My partner took me every day for treatment for seven weeks.

    On the last week of treatment,i noticed he was not himself,i told him we are going to the doctors next week,he insisted he was fine.

    The following week i made him go,the doctor referred him,he had his tests,then we had to go back for results,

    He also had oesophageal cancer,they said they would send him for treatment.

    Iasked the specialist about how much longer would the treatment give him,he said about two months.

    When we got home we had a discussion and he decided he did not  want to go for treatment,this was in october 2016,he died 12th march 2017.

    Joe was in a awful lot of pain,and begged me to give him a overdose of morphene,i could not bear him in so much pain,so i did something i never in a million years thought i would.

    I went to the local pub and got him a couple of spliffs.

    That night he smoked half of one,and had a good nights sleep.

    next day friday i was making him something to eat, he was sat at the kitchen table,when he burst out crying,and saying he did not want to leave me.

    I knew then i was loosing him,i got the emergency doctor out,he said he will have to go in to a hospice.

    A couple of hours later a ambulance came,and we went to the hospice,the doctor was waiting,and he  asked me a couple of questions

    Then i went to the garden for a smoke while they got him comfortable,they had given him medication to induce a coma,because i told them he was in so much pain.

    Joe died two days later,the hospice were fantastic.

     

    His body went to keele,because he had donated himself for his organs to help other people.

    I have now a lovely letter from the university,thanking me and they have told me he saved six poeples lives.

    I miss him terribly,but the one thing i can say to you about your father,is do not keep asking him how he is or feels ,just carry on as normal,i know it is  hard  but it is even harder for your father.

    MY LOVE AND THOUGHTS GO WITH YOU.