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Does counselling help?

LJM3
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My Beautiful sister left us nearly 3 months ago after almost 2 years battling cancer.  We were told in May 2019 that there was nothing else they could do for her.  So in theory I knew she wasn't going to recover but I genuinely never considered that she was actually going to die.  She was so determined not to accept too much pain relief as she has 2 young children and she didn't want to miss a thing so we watched her suffer in so much pain,  she didn't want anyone other than my mum and myself to physically tend to her at home but in her last few days I had to ask the nurses to help as we just couldn't cope. I'm really struggling with that and keep getting flashbacks to those last few days and I'm so lost.  I've got 3 children and I'm trying to help my brother in law look after my niece and nephew but it's getting more and more difficult.  I need to be strong for my parents too but I just want to run away and hide away from the world.  My husband thinks I need to see someone but I'm not sure if counselling will actually help or if it will just bring everything out and make me struggle even more.  I promised my sister that I wouldn't fall apart in from of the kids and would keep strong and I've done that but only by pretending that none of this has happened and that it's all a horrific nightmare that I haven't woke up from but I can't keep doing that anymore as Jt keeps creeping up on me and then I'm completely overcome with it.  Yeah I just don't know what to do now.  

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    Hi ya and welcome ...

    Oh my, think you promised something that is impossible to keep .. or it is possible if your allowed to grieve and get all those feelings your holding in , out ... if you carry on being strong for everyone, you'll fall appart .. your not super woman, just human .. 

    You need now to sort and help you ... who cares for the carer ... you've done more then most could ever do ... and with 3 children of your own .. and now caring for your sisters two .. just take some time out .. reach out .. ask McMillan or your G P but you need a hand to hold right now ..

    My sister with dementure,  and very poorly now, has had to have help to care for her ... there's no guilt, we couldn't do it our selfs .. no matter how much we love her .. so please forgive your self there .. 

    You can always come on here and open your heart .. everyone on here has been touched by cancer .. I've had 5 family members effected by it in 3 years .. including myself .. so sending you a vertual hug... be kind to yourself ... Chrissie  

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Thank you so much Chrissie,  

    Just don't know where to turn.  Think I've held everything in for so long and now I just can't do it anymore.  Will have a look at counselling maybe it will help. Sending love and hugs to you xx 

  • Offline in reply to LJM3

    Hi,

    As Chrissie says, please reach out to Macmillan or look for a local Bereavement Counselling service. I know several people who have found counselling really good to help them cope & carry on, whether as patients or relatives. Give it a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Good luck,

    Angie x

  • Offline in reply to AngieT

    Thanks Angie 

     

    Think I'm going to give it a try as I'm not sure I can deal with this on my own and still keep going for everyone else.  My son cried himself to sleep last night as it's his birthday in a few weeks and he just realised she won't be here for it.  Obviously kept it together in front of him but inside I felt like I could explode.  My husband is trying to take over but when the kids get upset they just want me.  Hopefully it will help me xx 

  • Offline in reply to LJM3

    I'm so very sorry for your loss, cancer is such a crue disease. 
     

    I have always been a bit skeptical about counselling but after my cancer treatment last year I decided to get help as I was unable to process the thoughts and fear in my head, it was really impacting every thought throughout the day. I sourced it through a local charity that Macmillan referred me to and I've been going for about 12 weeks. It's helped more than I could imagine, I find it cathartic and just lifting the lid off in that safe space and having someone guide me through my thoughts has really changed me. My counsellor says if you're burying a thought it takes more energy and thoughts to not talk about it, it gets harder not to think about it and it grows and grows until you can't keep that lid on. 
     

    don't be afraid to get it all out, you have been through something so traumatic and you still are in the storm. 
     

    I know it's not for everyone but for me counselling has been a blessing x

  • Offline in reply to Mikeswife

    Thank you,  I've contacted someone today.  Can only give it a try, can't make things any worse than what they already are.  Hope things are going well for you and you get what you need from the counselling.  Sending you my love and hugs xx 

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