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Supporting a dad who doesn't like being helped - any ideas

magyar
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Hi all, first post.
My dad has been diagnosed with prostate cancer and has been put on hormone therapy.  I spoke to my mum the other day and she is rather at her wits end because he won't really 'get involved' in the treatment - he is very much the sort of person who doesn't like to make a fuss.  He wants to go to all his appointments on his own, yet won't ask questions (more to the point specifically the ones my mum - who used to be a nurse - wants him to).

We totally get the fact that people need to deal with things in their own way but to cut a long story short he's got a bit of a history of depression and my mum would like to help out.  In particular my mum was already concerned that she didn't understand why they weren't proposing to operate and there may be a perfectly simple explanation but my dad just will not ask questions.

Does any one have any ideas on how she/I might help out (whilst at the same time recognising his privacy)?

Any help gratefully received!

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    Hi magyar, don't know if it'll work but could your mum put her foot down and say she's going to next appointment nomatter what.. There could be a lot of reasons why they won't operate so someone there with him could ask plenty questions.. Hope you get something sorted. Best wishes for the future..........Billy

    P.s remember its not being there to help it to learn. (find out exactly what is going on). 

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    Thanks.  Yes, it's not for want of trying!  I think she doesn't want to stress him out, because that's hardly going to help.  I've suggested to her though that on balance it's more important that they're fully informed.  It might well be that there's perfectly good reasons for everything they're doing; she just wants to make sure.

    THanks again.

  • Offline in reply to magyar

    Not trying to scare you, but sometimes if count is low and things don't seem to bad patients are can go on to look and wait when there is no need to do anything yet. Other option is when it's spread to other places and operation won't do any good. My example :-prostate gone to lymph nodes, spine, ribs, pelvis and a lung. Diagnosed Feb 2016. Or [@woodworm]‍ he opted for hormone therapy and radiotherapy.. His cancer was contained in the prostate. 

    It depends on PSA number GLEASON score, plus a few other things hope you can get to find out some details good luck........

    Billy 

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