Feeling Selfish.

My partner was diagnosed with incurable cancer in November after twisting his leg and breaking his hip. He received a hip replacement and immediate radiotherapy. As the cancer had spread from his prostate into his hip bone, up his spine and into his ribs. He has four tumours on his spine one extremely close to his spinal cord. 
He had his first round of Chemo at the beginning of January and caught an infection his second round was delayed and he received it this week - today he is very down. I don't how to help. I went back to studying last year and working a  full day a week. I'm really trying (I think) to do what I can for him. I'm so tired and feel so frustrated because on the bad days ( and there have been a few) I feel it never ends. I have tried suggesting endless things to do if he is feeling up to it but he gets increasingly angry at me. Everyone always asks how he is - I just feel overwhelmed- but feel so selfish. Lately I escape to the bathroom just to have a cry because I feel it's wrong of me to have this need when I'm fit and healthy. Anyone felt or feeling similar? Suggestions to help me put this in context and not think this is about me please because I know it's so wrong. 

  • Hi there ..

    Bless ya .. who cares for the carers ... I can see both sides .. he's probly getting fustrated because it takes the life out of us ... even for years after, we can still struggle .., may be meeting half way .. do gentle things ... watch a movie .. look at photos ... have a cuddle .. while he feels like not doing so called "normal things" it can make us physically and mentally exorsted... 

    Then there's you .. I bet you yarn to do something "normal" thinking it would help both of you .. and yes you deserve something "normal" your not super woman .. can you take some time for you, do something you like .. maybe with a friend ... cinema... get a pamper day .. you need something .. if you take time for you, you'll have time to relax and do what he can do ... 

    There's always middle ground .. it's just finding it .. and the best thing you can both do is listen to each other .. not interrupting... and knowing feelings are o.k .. and when you can see how each of you are feeling honestly and gently, then you can go forward together .. 

    Sending you both a vertual hug... Chrissie xx

  • Hi AQA chrissie is very good at words to help so not much i can add. But maybe can help other ways my prostate Cancer went to lymph nodes, spine, ribs, pelvis and a lung was diagnosed Feb 2016 been on palliative care ever since psa was 1581 stage 4 gleason 8. I live with my uninvited guest. Was working till last year had to retire to look after my disabled wife she needs 24 /7 care she has Alzheimers and parkinsons plus she's had mini strokes. I'm her official carer.. It can be hard now and again but we manage. Best wishes for the future hope things improve. Billy