Hi kuiper. 

Of course I'll keep in touch. So sorry cancer is getting bigger. Just hope he can take stronger dose without bad effects. 

I know it's tough but you keep looking after yourself as well. If he's feeling OK get him out and about some fresh air and change of scenery. It certainly can't hurt (apart from his ribs).

I've started some new meds to try to knock my cancer back down but they might not work at full strength because of meds I'm already on reacting with them just have to wait and see.. There actually what they give to men for a sex change so not sure what will happen yet. 

As i said before I'll keep in touch. X

Love Billy xxx 

Hi kuiper. 

Got letter from the oncologist Wednesday mainly what she told me over the phone about a month ago, apart from she didn't say cancer in my bones is coming back, I've another phone consultation in couple of weeks I'll have to ask which bones. 

Still feeling OK more tired now but I'm getting older. 

Remember keep positive and keep fighting again good luck with his treatment. 

Don't forget keep in touch. X. 

Love Billy xxx 

Hi kuiper. 

So sorry about your knee not helping you at all. 

Glad you've got family help though always better than strangers. 

Bit worried about what psychiatrist suggested about brens meds but I think we'll try it, she suggested having same strength as the two she has now lunch and night just at night but slow release so should only be small amounts in her system in the day to see what side effects are like. 

I've phoned up last couple of days but my new meds haven't turned up yet, I've got none for today so can but hope. 

Nothing ever runs smoothly does it. 

Keep positive and keep fighting remember. 

Love Billy xxx 

Hi Billy

i hope all is going well with Bren's meds. Did yours turn up in the end?

My husbands been for bloods today and to be weighed. He's gained another half kilo. Tomorrow he has a telephone consultation with his oncologist. I don't know what this will bring

its all so hard and impossible sometimes. All I can do is be there. Our eldest daughter is staying tonight and will be around when he gets the call in the morning. 
 

sending love to you both

Love Kuiper xxx
 

Hi kuiper. 

Things been chaos but getting back to normal. 

Psychiatrist insists bren must stop on her tablets he said they are just relaxants when i tell him i know they are antipsychyotic he quickly changed the subject. 

He won't admit bren hasn't got bipolar even though she hasn't any symptoms. Just thinking about what happens next. 

Finally got my meds had to go fetch them myself i wasn't fit to drive managed to find a neighbour who would drive me to the hospital to pick them up and another to look after bren talk about chaos, i thought i was having side effects from the new meds turned out it was my addisons heart was slowing down giving me hell but increased my meds now so things slowly getting back to normal.. 

Glad hubby is putting weight on definitely good hope your looking out for you as well. 

Keep positive and keep fighting. 

Love Billy xxx 

HI,

I was quite touched by your post and felt i needed to respond. We are quite new to the whole big C thing, but i can certainly relate to big emotions turning up. Husband diagnosed 7 weeks ago.

This forum has been incredibly useful, not that anyone can change anything, but helpful in letting me work through my emotions, knwoing that i wasn't alone and yes, the whole thing is ***.(:

Do you know.. feel however you feel, there is no 'normal' whatever that menas. It is okay to feel these things, it is okay NOT to be okay.  What to do about them is the tricky bit. I'm not sure anyone has worked that out.  Indeed do any of us NEED to do stuff about what we feel.  Just let it come and go.  Asking your nurses may give you more info, but ultimatly no one can give you direct time scales. My old mother in law was on 'end of life' care (not C), with days left predicted.  He sister was even sharing preferences for funeral arrangments! Guess what- 9 months on the old gal is still here giving it large.  If you are anything like me- it is the NOT knowing that is the stresor, eevrything in modern life seem to have a concrete timetable and we have all got used to funtioning like that and feel all at sea when something isn't clear.

Sending best wishes and love the look of your cat.

Hi Billy

The hospital deliver my husbands meds now but only because the consultant organised it this way. Would your hospital not do the same?
Good for you challenging the dr re Brens meds. I hope she's doing ok. It's so hard to see the one you love dearly suffer. More so in your case going through all this as you are

D is getting quite a bit of breakthrough pain. He's started taking his Oramorph which he doesn't usually. His best mate has picked him up to go and get his fishing tackle from up the caravan and our bedding. They're staying overnight if he's ok. My 20yr old granddaughter is staying with me. She's great company. 
He's no longer getting relief from his Memory  foam mattress any more. I don't know what I can do about this. I may suggest he speaks to the district nurses when he returns

Billy I so feel helpless again where he's concerned but I am honestly trying my best in the circumstances. I've been really emotional again too. It just comes in waves and then I'm ok for a bit. It comes out of the blue and overwhelms me with a strong sense of loss. He's still here and that's all that matters to me. Our time together is precious. Nothing else matters really

I'm sending you both virtual hugs and lots of love xx

Hi kuiper. 

Sounds like your both struggling. 

Have you got a hire bed think it's ranged through the social services or something like that sorry my heads a bit fluffy just now low blood pressure problems. 

They can get a foam mattress with an air mattress insert so pressure is adjustable we've also got a full length air cushion on brens recliner chair, really hope you can get ham comfortable,

Really glad I've got autocorrect on my phone or I'd really be in trouble. 

You know what i always say positive thoughts and actions. And remember to look after yourself. Don't want you ill as well. 

Thinking of you. 

Love Billy xxx

Hospital were supposed to deliver my new meds, i was phoning up from five days before. 

Hello Billy

i hope you're doing as well as you can under the circumstances. i hope Bren is doing okay.

I can't thank you enough for your advice. He spoke to the district nurse and she's coming out next month to see him. She said yes there are things they can do to help with his comfort, regarding mattresses. 
Billy I'm in a dispute with a firm that sold me a memory foam mattress and because we unpacked it so he could try it, they're refusing to have it back under hygiene reasons. Okay I can understand this but they're advertising it as ideal for cancer sufferers but it's not fit for purpose. Its all pointy and dug in his ribs and his pelvis. He couldn't lie on his back for long as it dug in his spine and his tumours. It's a bit crazy. It wasn't on the bed for very long.
Anyway, I got nowhere with eBay or the seller but fortunately I've paid through PayPal and they're dealing with it. If not I'll just have to write the money off. It's more the principle and misleading advertising. They're heartless. 
Im a bit upset tonight. He insisted in helping me upstairs with my meds bag and iPad. He bent over to give me a kiss goodnight. I put my arms around him and he's lost so much flesh off his arms and his back. When he stood up I noticed his chest is sinking in and his posture is becoming hunched. I wanted to cry but I held back until he'd gone downstairs. It just has hit me all over again. He's been talking about a lot of things if he's not here, it feels like he's giving up

Anyway this is quite enough now. You're going through so much yourself. Please take care. I hope you've sorted your blood pressure out

love Kuiper xxx