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I am so afraid.

Hisgirl
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My husband has been diagnosed with aggressive and advanced prostate cancer. 
he is having hormone treatment and has just completed six sessions of chemotherapy. 
He is a shadow of his former self. He has lost weight, lost his hair and his fingernails are falling off due to the chemotherapy. He is SO tired all the time and clearly feels really ill, though he is trying really hard to put a brave face on it. 
I am the only non dependent he has and sometimes I feel like I will crumble under the weight of supporting him and three grown up kids. 
out lives are so different and scary. This is the last thing that I think about at night and the first thing that I think about in the morning. 
He keeps asking me whether he will be alright and I keep saying yes. He is very low. 
I am so frightened of losing him and find myself sending up a prayer. Please don't die. Please don't die. 
If I start to cry I will never stop. I can't bear to see him suffering like this, but am too scared to lose him. X

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    Hi there,

    I am so sorry to hear you and your husband are both going through such a difficult time. I cared for my mother for a long period of time from the age of 12 and it was also somewhat challenging to say the least. There were times I felt like giving up but our own strengths keeps us moving forward. Please keep going and never give up hope. You are amazing. 
     

    I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

    love Lauren x

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    Hi hisgirl hope you don't mind me asking, you don't say where you're husband has got his cancer. Mine is from the prostate to lymph nodes spine, ribs, pelvis and a lung i was diagnosed Feb 2016 gleason 8 stage 4 psa was 15 81. Its uncurable i just live with my uninvited guest. I'm on permanent hormone therapy and cemotherapy now and again. It's classed as palliative care. But I've been living a normal life working till i had to retire to look after my disabled wife she needs 24 /7 care.. Remember the hair and finger nails will grow back........... Billy 

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    Thank you Billygoat. I know there are other people out there who are dealing with difficult situations- it’s just hard to see beyond your own sometimes and to move beyond the bubble that you find yourselves in. 
    it's very reassuring to hear your story. I'm just so    frightened for our future, but this is a new way of looking at things. 
    You sound like a very positive person. 
    I hope that I have posted this to the correct place- I've never done this before and seem to be getting a bit mixed up with it!

    thanks again,

    Hisgirl. X
     

  • Offline in reply to laurenlab1

    Thank you, Lauren. I can't believe that there are people out there who take the time to talk to me about my situation. 
    thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers- having faced your own, it sounds as though you really understand  some of the challenges that  we are facing together. 
    I wish I had a magic wand! Xx

     

  • Offline in reply to Hisgirl

    Hi hisgirl yes you did it right. It can be very confusing first time something new and your mind all over the place. I know it not easy but try to concentrate on the positive it'll help you and him. If i can help in any ways please let me know. Remember "positive thinking "............ Billy 

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    Hi Billy,

    it is prostate cancer and has gone to a lymph node.  Gleason score is 9 and I think it's stage 3b. PSA was around 23 to 24. 
    My husband is apt to deal with this with his head in the sand, one step at a time and without   talking to me about practicalities other than getting through one day at a time! 
    However, if that's what he needs to do to get through then I'll fall in with that. X

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    You are definitely a good representative for the power of positive thought!

    i keep trying to be positive for us both. 
    my new mantra is "Positive thinking".

    you are an inspiration. X

  • Offline in reply to Hisgirl

    Well done and keep it up nomatter what. my scale is T3B N1 M1B. Don't forget if i can give any info just ask. The main thing is you can live normally after treatment. But sometimes it's a new normal. Hope you're year improves from now on. Best wishes...

    Billy 

  • Offline in reply to Billygoatt

    Thanks for this information, Billy. 
    I will keep in touch if that's okay?

    I'm definitely looking at a new normal - it's a new way of looking at things I think  

    Thanks for your good wishes for 2020  I hope it's a good one for you and yours, too  x

     

  • Offline in reply to Hisgirl

    Yes keep in touch please be nice to know how things are going, as I say "been there done that "still haven't got the badge though,.......

    Billy 

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