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Today feels like the loneliest day

Lolabear27
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I'm not sure I felt compelled to post today, well I do actually it's Christmas and I've never felt so alone and hoping to find someone to share my experiences with. 
 

My mum was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer 5 years ago, 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant with my first son. She was only given 6 months to live but fortunately she responded really well to treatment and we still have her. In the last 5 years she has also had skin cancer twice but was removed surgically. Then in June I announced I was expecting my 2nd child and my mum was then diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer. Chemo wasn't an option but they removed the lung instead, recovery has been long and painful for her with decreased mobility which she finds frustrating. Then this week she has been diagnosed with mets on the frontal lobe of her brain. This has massively effected her behaviour, mood and mobility, to the point where showering alone is not possible or even brushing her teeth so I am caring for her. She has lived with me and my husband since we found out about the original cancer 5 years ago. 
 

I feel rather selfish admitting this but I am exhausted, and heart broken. I feel like I've already lost my mum but I'm caring for her body only. I'm an only child and my dad hasn't been around since I was a baby. My mum has brothers and sister but the only support they offer is a chat over the phone. I'm due to give birth in 3 weeks and i have no idea how I'm going to cope. Being an only child was great as a kid but as an adult it really sucks and I'm surprised I've not been able to find any support groups for people in the same situation and if I have found anything it's aimed at children. Sometimes i would just like to chat to someone who is in the same situation and understands. 

I think I'm just feeling particularly sorry for myself today because I've spent the day watching my mum sleep and I'm in a family WhatsApp group with everyone sharing pictures of what a great day they're having and I resent them for it. As she deterates I want to shield my son from it so I sent him and my husband to my mother in laws but I can't help but feel so alone and desperately sad. Mum and I always loved Christmas!  
 

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    Hi lolabear27

    I just wanted to say I hear you and I am going through something very similar. I am an only child with no other family. 

    I have been my mums carer for last 13 years but not living with her, until 11days ago. She has breast cancer with Mets to her lungs, bones and probably by now other places. 

    She has a syringe driver fitted and hasn't eaten in 20 days, she only takes a few sips of waterand is bedbound  but is still with us. She madee promise to let her die at home but in all honesty I really don't know how much longer I can cope. 

    Since I moved in with her I have seen my children 2twice, today they are with my husband at our house with his family. (having a wonderful time as it should be) but I am so angry and resentful that I am not there.

    I know this post is probably not much help but I wanted you to know you are not alone and I have no doubt doing a wonderful job. 

    Xx

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    Have you thought about getting in touch with her Dr, to try macmillan or Marie curie to get you some free time and support,. Mine is not the same as yours I'm looking after my disabled wife she needs 24 /7 care we have a carer coming in the morning to help wash her rest of the day it's down to me,. (I'm diagnosed with uncurable cancer) we manage but sometimes it gets a bit awkward, carer's or outside help can make a big difference...

    Billy 

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    Lolabear and Hulagirl,

    So sorry to read about the awful situation you are both in at Christmastime. The situation is awful whatever time of the year but Christmas just brings home how bad things have become.

    Billy is right - now is the time to ask your GP for help with an emergency referral to whatever services are available locally - MacMillan, Maggies, Mari Curie and others offer services to support caring for terminal patients at home.

    This will be hard but you should seriously consider hospice based services, whatever promises you have made in the past. Unless people have endured caring for someone under these circumstances thay have no idea what they are asking of their loved ones when they say they want to die at home and their families aren't making an informed choice either. People imagine the scenario you see on the movies where granny has a comfortable few weeks in bed before they say something meaningful and wise to the caring realtives and slips peacefully away. Having experienced the reality twice, I have no intention of putting my own wife and family through that. As soon as I think the time is right I will be heading to somewhere where I will get professional support 24/7 with qualified staff who aren't emotionally and physically drained ... with immediate access to appropriate pain controlling medication.

     

    Best wishes

    Dave

     

     

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    My mum has been diagnosed with non small cell lung cancer and she can't get operated on she is bein offered chemo December 31st im afraid in case this is our last Xmas with her as its spead to her other lung windpipe and lymph nodes and although we've been going through the motions this is the hardest thing I think I've ever been through in my life and its been tainted hun.. Your not alone were all feeling anger hurt heartbreak and sadness I feel like im Mourning already and shes still here it just hurts so much

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