Confusion - what are the signs of someone nearing the end?

My dad age 78 has been diagnosed with metastatic renal cancer with extensive pelvic disease and hyercalcaema which causing confusion. Long story short he had an episode of aggression whilst staying in my care at my home as I had to relocate him to my home as he lived on his own 200 miles away with no one to care for him. He ended up in hospital as we had not had the urgent referral we needed for palliative care until 8weeks had passed dad had deteriorated a whole lot in this time despite me pleading for help from everyone st Peters hospice.,district nurses the doctor was the only one trying his best. Dad's confusion was so bad they put a doks order on him which devastated me as he is the gentlest man I know. I had hell to get him back home with me which has only really been fast tracked Because dad is at end of life... But I am grateful after 3 weeks in hospital he is home with me. I know I said I would cut a long story short.. I am sorry.

Anyway dad is at home and having a lot of oxycodone and is even more confused than ever sleeping and mumbling all the time. He can't walk and tries to get out of the hospital bed they sent him home in. I am scared to leave him and now sleep in the room with him as I am scared he will try to get out of bed and fall. I work full time. Dad has Ben home now a week and has seen the district nurse once the day after discharge.. I call them on the phone as dad is in so much pain and they tell me to up the dose which I do and then I have hell to pay with his hallucination and confusion all the time. I know he has been fast tracked home on the basis he is likely to live no more than 2 weeks but how do i tell the signs that he is nearing the end I am scared S he looks so strong but is so weak. 

  • Hi there ...

    So so sorry your going through this heartbraking time at the moment... you sound amazing .. and he must be very proud of you ..

    I'm sorry you've not had a reply yet .. but if I reply it will take you back to the begining and hopefully someone will know more then me .. all I can say is, if it were me, I'd call Marie Currie.. they are there Mon to Fri.. they specialise in the care of terminal patients and their families... they have so much more expierance.. go on their home page.. theres lots of info, and a phone number to call .. it's such a shame, no one teaches us these things .. I wish they would make a video to help those in your situation..

    I used to work in care homes and there were times id leave work thinking someone wouldnt be there on my next shift .. and yet some would be sitting up, eating again for a while .. others looked o.k .. and they would be gone .. it's so hard for deffinate prognosis... l think if you put end of life signs into this search engine .. I think that has info that may help .. but Marie Currie is the best bet ... l think it may be like McMillan and be there Mon to Fri .. but their home page will give that info ..

    I'm sure you should be getting more help from the district nurses .. but know it varies in different region.. good luck, let us know how you go ... Chrissie xx

  • Hi Chris many thanks for replying... It's heart breaking just watching dad deteriorate x

  • So sorry to hear your news it must be extremely difficult. As i type this my stepmother is asleep in her chair. She has gone down hill extremely fast and is now on end of life care, however even though i feel isolated and alone my experience of help could not be more different from yours. When she was first diagnosed (more than a year ago) we asked the local hospice to be involved. They have been amazing and sorted care at home including the Marie Curie Nurses to do night sits when they are free. I don't know if it is too late to contact a local hospice but it might be worth a try. The other thing you can do is go to your GP and ask for a pallative care team to be involved...this is what I did for my Dad. Also if he has been fast tracked local social services should be involved, although my step mother has also been fast tracked but I don't think it being so near to Christmas is helping. Which in our case is why the hospice at home team are coming in until social services are available.

    I hope you get some help. I am glad I have found this forum because i know there are other people experiencing the same things